


Of Mikasa's and Men

by Mocurlyshepard



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe - College/University, Awkward Crush, Best Friends, Childhood Friends, Dry Humping, F/M, First Crush, First Kiss, First Love, First Time, High School, Marijuana, Masturbation, Not Canon Compliant, Oral Sex, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Platonic Relationships, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Possibly Unrequited Love, Roommates, Secret Relationship, Underage Drinking, Underage Sex, Unrequited Love, Vaginal Sex, Volleyball Dorks in Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-30
Updated: 2020-12-30
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:01:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 7
Words: 25,719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23936494
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mocurlyshepard/pseuds/Mocurlyshepard
Summary: Various stories about boys who play volleyball (particularly mikasas!) *Accidentally deleted earlier*When I see U (Akaashi Keiji)Chisana Dansa (Kageyama Tobio)
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Reader, Goshiki Tsutomu/Reader, Iwaizumi Hajime/Reader, Kageyama Tobio/Original Female Character(s), Kageyama Tobio/Reader, Kuroo Tetsurou/Reader, Miya Osamu/Reader, Oikawa Tooru/Reader, Suna Rintarou/Reader
Comments: 20
Kudos: 219





	1. ✿Preface

I am such an idiot I accidentally deleted the previous book. 

Anyway, hello everyone! Second time around doing this lol. I am a hoe for Haikyuu and daydream quite often and I decided to write so here are my ideas of stories that I am planning to write. You can leave suggestions but don't take it personal if I don't do it! I've also decided that I will be doing multi chapter's because it's easier for me to work on other things. 

✿Kuroo Tetsurou (Acta, Non verba)  
A story in which Kuroo is your next door neighbor and you're kinda in love with him. (Finished) 

✿Goshiki Tsutomu (Ambivalent)  
A story in which Tsutomu has always had a crush on his older sisters best friend. (1/2) 

✿Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Toru (Anyone (Who Knows What Love Is)  
A story in which Oikawa loves you, but you love Iwaizumi. (Finished) (Also working on another version) 

✿Tsukishima Kei  
A story in which you like the same band, he's hot, but emotionally unavailable. And? You were roommates, oh my God you were roommates. (In progress) 

✿Miya Atsumu  
A story in which you're the first girl Miya Atsumu simps for. (In progress)

✿Suna Rintarou  
A story in which we see the details of Suna and the cute, naive, love of his life. (1/?)

✿Akaashi Keiji (When I see U)   
A story in which you begin hooking up with resident athlete Akaashi, yet, he's a closed book. (1/?) 

✿Kentaro Kyotani  
A story in which you hate him, and well, he hates you too. Or does he? And now you guys are parents? For a joint grade? (Tba) 

✿Bokuto Koutarou /> A story in which you love Bokuto but he's never really noticed. 

✿Kageyama Tobio  
A story in which Kageyama accidentally falls in love with his best friend. ( This will have an OC version as well as reader insert) (1/?) 

✿Tendou Satori  
"Sat beside me, used to laugh, had mad jokes, The teacher always got mad so we passed notes." A story in which, Tendou agrees to take his crushes virginity. The problem? He's never done this before. (Based on J Cole's 'Wet Dreamz') (Tba) 

✿Terushima Yuuji-  
A story in which you're just not that interested in smart ass, playboy, undercut Terushima Yuuji, but he suddenly is in a race for your affection. (Tba) 

✿Lev Haiba  
A story in which you teach Lev Haiba the best way to get someone's attention. You don't notice that the attention he wants is from you. (Tba)

✿Ushijima Wakatoshi  
A story in which you're the new manager for the Scweiden Adlers and Ushijima is nothing short of easy to work with. (Tba) 

✿Shoyo Hinata  
A story in which you realize your affections for Hinata, but he's already stepped off towards Brazil. What happens when an accidental risque photo gets thrown into the mix? (Tba)

✿Kiyoomi Sakusa  
A story in which Sakusa thought you were just the weirdo down the street, until one day, your courage and determination literally has him flipped. (In progress) 

✿Shinsuke Kita  
A story in which Kita has affections for his best friends little sister. (Tba) 

Fair warning, as you can see, some of the stories that I have planned will be set in high school with under aged characters (most, however, are aged up). I would just like to say, I like to write based off of experience and real life things. I know that a lot of authors don't write for under aged kids in fear or not wanting to 'sexualize' the characters. First, I would like to say that even if the characters are in high school, I DON'T see them that way, in fact I see them as fictional characters without age and no sense of time. I have written them to be able to understand sex, have the right mental capacity and maturity to engage in sexual nature. I usually age characters with myself (I am 18, therefore, they're 18). Second, I find that discovering love and going through life to be a beautiful topic and it'll be one of my main themes. For me, it's a little annoying when people try to gloss over real life and events that happen. It may be uncomfortable to some, but the reality is that teenagers have sex and party and smoke weed and it's apart of life and honestly it shouldn't be a taboo subject because it'll happen whether it's spoken about or not. And third, none of this will have completely inappropriate situations like minor x adult or things like that. Fourth, please remember that this is fiction and my feelings and thoughts may vary in reality. If you don't like what I write, or don't enjoy it, just move on because I'm not nice when people leave hate comments.


	2. ✿ Acta, Non Verba (Kuroo)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A story in which Kuroo is your next door neighbor and you're kinda in love with him.
> 
> This chapter is complete and revised :)

He's apparently shy when you first meet him. You weren't positive about his age or anything but he looked to be in your grade. He's shorter than you and he keeps his eyes on the ground nervously with his fingers twitching at his side. You can barely hear him introduce himself before his cheeks are brushed pink and swept over with a garnet hue. His hair is beyond the most interesting and, well, strangest thing you've ever seen. It sticks up every which way but as strange as it seems, it fits him.

You're a little disappointed that he declines your offer to play together. Even more upset as he continues to decline, every single time you ask. You don't know what the feeling is but you sulk around for the rest of the day, feeling worse and worse with each rejection.

Rejection.

That's what your mother tells you as you're watching them play around with the ball. Kuroo and Kenma-Kun, your other neighbor who you swore didn't have any interest in other than his Nintendo. They aren't very good at it and the ball always looks like it's desperately trying to get away from them but they always look like they're having a good time. Kuroo smiles more now and it looks like he's breaking out of his shell. He instructs Kenma-Kun and Kenma-Kun makes suggestions. You watch from the window, it's always open so you can hear them laughing, and you have to admit that they bring out the best in each other, even if you are jealous that he chose to play with Kenma-Kun over you.

You start to pester your mother for a volleyball after a few weeks of observing them. You want to know why it's so interesting for them to play with all day. You swear that either Kuroo or the volleyball practiced sorcery. It has to because there's no way Kenma-Kun can look away from a screen for that long. And since Kuroo behaves like you're contagious, you resort to the volleyball.

She gives in after about a week. Though it was hard to convince her because she didn't want you pestering with Kuroo and Kenma. After you swear, she presents you with a new ball. It smells good, like rubber and other materials. There's something that stirs in your stomach that makes you so excited to have the ball in your hands that you can't get your outside shoes on fast enough.

You practice in the front yard because they always practiced in the back. And since you promised your mother you wouldn't bother them, you practice out front. After a few days, your question is answered and you swear that it's the volleyball that's magic. You're glued to it, and it's fun. And you're good at it. It bounces the way you want and you feel powerful when you hit it off the wall. And soon a few weeks are passing and you're starting to get reckless playing by yourself.

It's like the God's are listening to your prayers because Kuroo's dad sees you one time once he comes home. He observed quietly as to not startle you. But you finally notice he's there when the ball drops and rolls to his feet. He squats and picks it up before smiling at you, which you return with a respectful bow and greet him.

"You're pretty good." he comments. "Have you though about joining a club?"

You shake your head. You haven't thought you were that good to play with other people. Your mother hadn't suggested it so you felt you needed to be content with having a wall to play with.

"I've been trying to get Tetsu to join but he's so shy." He sighs. "You should think about it. I'll even suggest it to your mother."

You join a club not too long after. It's hard and demanding, and the other girls are serious. But despite that, it's fun for you. You're littered with bruises and scrapes but you couldn't love them more as they turn into scars, decorating your body with your hard work as if it were a canvas. You're proud of the work you put in.

Kuroo finally speaks to you once you guys are both 10. You can barely hear him as you're yawning. You're walking back from practice and the sun is setting. You don't notice that he's playing around with the ball by himself. He joined a club not too long after you, both him and Kenma-Kun. You guys rarely see each other, not counting the times he accidentally gets a glimpse of you through his bedroom window and hastily closes his blinds.

Perhaps you aren't attractive to him. You start to think maybe you scare him and that's why he doesn't talk to you. He's long grown out of his shy phase, you've seen him with his friends from school playing and you've seen him class laughing loudly.

"So you play too?" He asks.

You nod and you show him your bag that has your team's logo sewn on it. He nods as he looks at it and tosses the volleyball up some more. You stand there for a while because it feels like he has something to say, so you watch him toss it before he grabs it and holds it in his hands, turning to you and asking if you want to toss it.

He's still shorter than you but he's growing a little. You notice that he's kinda cute. Your mom always teased you, suggesting that maybe you felt so rejected because you had a crush on him. As you guys toss the ball back and forth, you finally understand that maybe you do like Kuroo a little bit. You like how he plays, and he intrigues you. You know he'd be freaked out if you told him and would probably never speak to you again. So you don't. You just keep tossing the ball back and forth, commenting on your favorite players as he declared that he'll be a master blocker.

You play until the sun gives in to the indigo sky and it's no longer visible except for a dark orange that once seemed to be there. Your conversation is light but neither of you bring up the idea of turning into your homes. So you keep on playing. Even when your arms are tired from passing the ball back and forth and from an hour an a half practice. You don't go inside until your mother opens the window and tells you it's time to wash up for dinner. Even then, as you inch towards your house you two keep the ball in play, light giggles escaping your mouth as you just manage to keep it up.

"Can we do this again?" You ask, your eyes are wide with hope but you don't want to seem desperate. Your heart pounds at the idea of finally forming a friendship, a bond with Kuroo.

"Yeah, sure." Its the first time he's really smiling at you and you wonder if he can see your blush in the darkness. It's lopsided and goofy as he looks at you but nonetheless you smile back, relieved.

You finally stop the ball and you're in a daze during dinner. You can barely hear your mother because all you’re thinking about is Kuroo and the next time you'll play together. And for the first time, he gives you a wave before closing his bedroom blinds. 

✿ 

You and Kuroo become good friends when the both of you are thirteen and your bond develops into a breath a fresh air. You become each other’s rock, a shoulder to cry on and someone to laugh with. He tells you that, although he and Kenma-Kun are best friends, you know more about him than anyone else. Your heart flutters and your cheeks redden but he hardly notices. Kuroo seems to be the complete opposite of the shy little boy who moved in years ago. He's lively, always joking, and he's good and confident at volleyball. 

Not to say that you weren't. When middle school came around you immediately jumped at the chance of joining the girls volleyball club. It was an understatement to say that they team may have needed some work, though you didn't care all that much because just being on the court and breathing in the air was enough.

Kuroo and Kenma-Kun seemed to luck out, as their volleyball club was a pretty good team. And after weeks of complaining, they invited you to come practice with them, which you readily accepted. Though you enjoyed practice with Kenma-Kun, it was the lazy toss sessions you and Kuroo had that you treasured. They were easy-going, full of communication from the both of you and through the ball. You would wonder if he felt it too. Being connected.

You can remember the both of you are sitting side by side on the curb of the street. It’s late. Almost nearing nine pm but he’s made no moves to go inside.

The both of you can hear it, it’s faint but it’s noticeable. The sound of yelling coming from his house. It had been nearing a few weeks since the endless arguments happened, though he still made no effort to talk about it. Instead, he kept that goofy grin plastered to his face pretending everything was okay. That within minutes, the small bubble the both of you were so happily stuck in would be burst the minute he opened the door. 

He finally manages to go inside, though begrudgingly. His grandmother calls him from the foyer, and for a split second you can see it. The pain that washes over his face, the dread as if he’s eaten something rotten. His eyes wince and his mouth twists. It’s an expression you’ve never seen before but it’s over as soon as it came. 

It keeps you up late into the night. His face. You had never seen Kuroo look so distraught that it made a certain uneasiness pass over you. The yelling has subsided slightly, but you can still hear it rise every thirty minutes or so. You’re so deep into your thoughts that you don’t realize a tapping on your window. Kuroo peers through your window, clad in a volleyball t shirt and bedroom shorts. He looks distressed as you open up your window, and the both of you stare at each other not quite knowing what to say. 

“Can I stay here?” He asks finally. 

You nod quickly and let him in. You give him an extra blanket before settling in your bed, staring up at the ceiling. You take a deep breath and by the time you exhale, you realize that he’s crying as he looks up at the ceiling with you. 

“My otousan is getting re-married and he wants me to come with him. My grandparents are against it... so, they’ve been arguing for months.”

✿ 

A year later, Kuroo’s father moves away and his Obaasan dies a month later. He seems to spend every night in your room. Crying into your shirt, salty tears soaking your t shirt. You don’t know what to do other than be there. Push his hair out of the way and tell him it’ll be okay.

✿ 

You receive your first kiss when you’re fifteen and it’s the summer you’re set to go off to Nekoma High. Your summer’s been highlighted by playing volleyball and hanging out with Kuroo. You guys are both set and determined to make it to the Nationals, something the both of your middle school teams weren’t able to accomplish. You guys spend every waking moment together, beginning with morning jogs and continuing to your own makeshift practice camp. The two of your competitive nature dies down because you guys are always partners. He’s good at blocks and your spikes shock the opposing team each time. 

Kenma-Kun comes some days to set for you guys, but for the most part, it’s just the two of you and two other kids named Kai and Yamamoto playing into the late hours of the day. Even then, sometimes it’s just you and Kuroo playing one on one with no one else there but your determined spirits. Your drive matches each others, and it’s what makes him an amazing partner, as well as a good friend. 

His teasing never eases up, even when the two of you are about to enter high school and neither do your feelings. You wonder if he notices the way you blush when he pinches your cheeks or when he calls you his “favorite spiker”. You never act on it because the thought of destroying the basis of your relationship hurts and you don’t want to ruin it. 

You guys walk back to your houses, laughing and high off the energy of playing a close match. He’s teasing you about landing straight on your ass when you make the winning spike and you’re teasing him about being a loser. He reaches out to tickle your sides and you push him, but he grabs you down with him and suddenly you’re rolling down a grassy hill, laughing as the gravity takes it’s toll. You guys are still giggling as you roll to a stop and for a split second you guys don’t realize that he’s on top of you, until you do. 

And then he’s staring at you with those beautiful hazel eyes and those diamond shaped pupils. It finally occurs to you that you’re sweaty but he makes no effort to move and you guys just lie there without saying a word until he presses his lips to yours, softly but with a firmness. It’s brief and he quickly pulls away from you and moves to sit beside you, you quickly do the same, nervously tucking the hair behind your ears and staring at your grass stained shoes. You guys don’t say much of anything, instead you sit under the night sky with dumb lopsided grins on your faces still feeling the tingles of your kiss.

✿ 

Your first year of High School is a breath of fresh air. Your relationship with Kuroo never develops and the both of you never speak about that moment, and in some odd way you’re kind of glad. You guys barely talk for the rest of the summer, but it’s only because your parents force you to focus on something other than volleyball, like getting school supplies and gathering the items for your new uniform. A fear runs through you and you’re a little worried that you guys have ruined your relationship, but then you see his curtains open when you’re sitting at your desk late a night and he sends you a playful wink before shutting his light out. 

The Nekoma Girls Team was greater than you could’ve imagined and the teamwork left you in awe. They were eager and welcoming to the new first years, and for once you finally met someone who had the same passions as you. Her name is Himari and you guys got along early on. She shows you around the campus and soon she’s introducing you to things that you never tried, like shopping and hanging around cafe’s. 

It’s fun and refreshing but you sometimes find yourself reminiscing about Kuroo. The high school clubs are a lot more demanding with morning and after school practices that you barely see each other except for brief morning waves and glances through your windows. You also try not to think about the fact that that he’s a lot more popular, even as a first year. His blocking technique is praised throughout the sports teams and he continues to increase his skills. And of course, he’s grown into his awkward boyish looks and he resembles that of a young man. He’s finally outgrown you and you find yourself questioning when the hell that happened. 

The growing attention he receives from females flash in front of you every time and for the first time, you feel insecure. They were noticeably beautiful, and his friendly personality didn’t help your fragile heart. They seemed to be everything you weren’t, girly, beautiful, and perfectly matched with Kuroo. Your childhood crush seemed to have been getting stomped on the further along you get in your first year. 

Himari confronts you about it one day after practice and the both of you are sipping on a protein milkshake. You guys pass Kuroo, and although he makes note to wave to you, he’s walking with a beautiful cheerleader, and to make matters worse, you’re completely sweaty and still wearing your practice clothes. 

“You like Kuroo-San... don’t you?” 

She asks plainly as she sips her milkshake. She turns to take a look at you, you’re frozen in place and blushing and your stomach’s beginning to hurt. No one seemed to know about your crush, except your mother but only because you have only had eyes for him since you were eight. You can’t help but wonder if it’s obvious, and then you feel embarrassed at the thought of everyone at Nekoma High knowing about your infantile crush on your neighbor. 

“Relax,” She laughs before nudging you with her shoulder. “It took me a few weeks to notice... but. You guys are so relaxed with each other. I guess it’s the way you look at him.”

You bite your lip before tossing your head back. “I know, Hima-Chan! I do and it fucking sucks. He’d never go out with someone like me. I’m only his goddamn neighbor.” 

“Excuse me, y/n? You are hot! Gorgeous even! You’ve got beautiful legs and a beautiful face and if Kuroo-San can’t see passed those artificial girls then he didn’t deserve you anyway!”

She’s right and she’s logical. But still, her words fail to make you fail any better. To make you feel more secure in your body. And all you can think about is how you look in his eyes. Who were you to Kuroo Tetsuro?

✿ 

A few weeks later you finally get your answer once you turn the hall to see Kuroo kissing and holding your classmate Yurina Akio against the wall. Your breath catches in your throat as you stand there in shock. You feel sick. As if you could faint at any moment. An abundance of emotions run through you, yet, you can’t quite pick out how you feel. Hurt? Jealous? Disgusted? All of them. Your feet are glued to the ground and it feels as if someone is forcing you to stay in place, forcing you to watch. You don’t move, you can’t move.Not until you felt Hima-Chan’s small arms wrap around your body and pull you away.

✿ 

Your second year is a bit different. You don’t have as much as that raw excitement bubbling in your stomach in the weeks leading up to your first year. Perhaps it’s the fact that you already know what high school has in store, or maybe it’s the fact the Kuroo isn’t there in your ear speaking of all the new things to come. You didn’t take it personal at the fact that you and Kuroo had gone your separate ways towards the end of first year. You still like to think that you guys are friends. He still answers your homework questions whenever you ask, and he always sends you a text every so often. But it isn’t like how it was before. You guys aren’t together with any free time that you have. He seems to have made his own friends, and, well, you’re happy for him, because you know that Kuroo deserves happiness. 

You didn’t dislike Yurina-San and that’s what made your situation worse and made you feel even more guilty. She was beautiful, blessed with clear and bright skin, long dark hair and dark eyes. Yurina-San was apart of the student council club and you heard that she was running for President. She was perfect. And perhaps, that was the problem... how perfect she was. She tended to remind you of all your flaws, and unfortunately, of all your jealously. Your guilt, even. You liked them together. You truly did. But you also couldn’t help but feeling that you wouldn’t be all that upset if they were to break up suddenly. 

It isn’t as if you’re completely alone either. With volleyball calling for demanding schedules, you and Hima-Chan began to develop an even closer relationship. You guys had always gotten along but she seemed to have always been there for you. Especially ever since that night that you saw Kuroo and Yuina-San kissing in the hallways. You tried to distance yourself from Hima-Chan out of pure embarrassment and you never wanted to be on the receiving end of pity. But she never faltered and she was always there, nursing you through heartbreak every time you managed to run into Kuroo and Yurina-San. She always managed to push you inside of the gym to get your worries off of things, to properly release your anger and frustrations on the game and getting better. You never told her how thankful you were until you were sleeping over at her house. She always offered and you finally accepted about two weeks after consistent begging. You found out a lot about her, like the fact that she was quite nerdy and enjoyed playing with her console and watching science fiction movies. 

And in return, through lots of coaxing, romantic comedies, ice cream and tears, she found out quite a lot about you. About how your childhood crush was even deeper than that (at least, for you it was). How he had been your first kiss, and how he was literally your next door neighbor, merely windows apart, so close that you could see the layout of his room if you really wanted to. Hima-Chan was understanding and she never judged nor made any ill claims with your feelings, and at times, the both of you marveled in how beautiful Kuroo was. 

“A new school year calls for a new beginning.” Hima-Chan tells you as she sets a volleyball. “That means that we’re going to nationals first, then we can worry about boyfriends.”

It had only been a few weeks into the school year and yet, the girls volleyball team was practicing harder than ever. By the end of summer, it was official that you would be a starting wing spiker for the team. You earned that position and you wanted to do what you could to keep your starting spot. 

Kuroo heard of your new ‘promotion’ and came to knock on your window and 11 p.m. to congratulate you. It was nothing more than a friendly gesture, you were sure of that. But your heart pounded as you guys engaged in a light conversation. It had been a while since the both of you talked. Well, actually spoke, not counting the awkward ‘hellos’ said in passing. You guys didn’t talk about anything specific, just wishing for good fortune for the both of your teams. He was excited to tell you that Kenma-Kun had joined the team as a setter, which you already knew he had a knack for due to his video game wired brain. The pressure of the third years had been getting to him and you felt for him. The pressure and hazing to ensure that you’re dedicated to the team is frustrating and often led you to collapse onto your floor in tears, but it became worth it when you were out on the court playing and being free. 

“Night, Tetsu.” You tell him once it begins to reach twelve. The time slips past you and you’re thinking about that embarrassing kiss before your first year. The atmosphere feels the same. You aren’t sure but you swear that his face softens. Maybe he feels it too. 

He gives you smile. A genuine one. One that isn’t goofy or a sly smirk. And his eyes lift and the corners of his mouth raise and rest comfortably. His hand lingers for a bit on your sill before nodding and walking away. 

“Sleep well, y/n.” 

And since then, things had gone back to the phony way of how it was before. Fake smiles and phony ‘hellos’ in passing, pretending that you didn’t wish you were the one hugging Kuroo and not Yurina-San. It hurt. 

“Well, at least spike fest is in a few months or so.” Hima-Chan reminds you.

Spike fest.

An unofficial tradition at Nekoma High School, reserved for second and third years of both volleyball teams. Both the girls and guys team would split among each other and engage in a large volleyball game with a massive beachball. It was a way to de stress before the tournaments started and a way to bond with the third years before their way out to graduation. You weren’t exactly sure how to feel about it, since, well, Kuroo would be there and alcohol. You weren’t quite sure how you’d be able to hold up.

Time goes by. The hours go by and turn to days, then weeks, then months. You breathe in, you exhale, you study, and you play. You had always been so occupied and wrapped up with volleyball, but now, you were engrossed in the game. The feeling of the material against your palm became a comfort, it became home. Your feet against the floor, the smell of the gym, and the burning desire of wanting to get better than the previous day. Better. Better. You have to get better. Prelims were coming and you had to make it to Nationals. To be on center court, playing and being free. 

You hardly noticed Kuroo at all. Rushing through the halls, your thoughts running so rapid that you could count it as empty. You were at the gym every second you could get, Hima-Chan faithfully setting balls to you as you two laughed about anything. Corrected each other’s mistakes. Developed trust. Developed a bond. You weren’t too sure whether that counted as a bad thing. 

“Check this.” Hima-Chan says to you. 

You’re both exhausted, and rightfully so. You’ve been adding in extra practice, especially because you have Nerima Prelims coming. Your answer whether you’ll be going to Nationals. Whether you’ve trained hard enough. Hima-Chan is on her side, eyes closed as she rests her head on her extended elbow. The both of you are sprawled out on her bedroom floor and it’s the day before Spike Fest. The date seemed to have approached you so fast, you almost forgot. And suddenly, it seems that Kuroo’s on your mind again. It’s been months since the two of you have had a proper conversation, and it’s beginning to dawn on you. The thought bothers you somewhat. You guys had been so close once, rubbing his back as he threw up from crying. And now, you guys were mere strangers. It felt weird. Odd.

“Kuroo-San and Yurina-San broke up.” She says calmly, her eyes fluttering closed as if she mumbled she was going to bed. Your eyes widen and you heart beats against your chest.

“What?! Hima, I don’-”

“Hey, I’m not saying that you have to go and fuck him! I’m just saying... we haven’t had any gossip in this last month because we’ve been so fucking tired.” She groans. 

You sit up even more, leaning forward to grab at her shoulders. Your fingers dig into her skin without you realizing until she let’s out a hiss and swats at your shoulders. 

“Hima! They broke up a month ago and you didn’t tell me?” 

“Mmm, well. You’ve been so busy and so ready for this game, didn’t wanna bother you.” 

Your face reddens and you lean on your back, cheeks puffed out as you stare at her ceiling. It’s dark so your eyes don’t focus on anything. It shouldn’t of mattered if Kuroo and Yurina-San broke up. You were sure you were over him. Just a few seconds ago, you were so sure that nothing else mattered except for volleyball. You turned on your side and shut your eyes. You wondered why Kuroo hadn’t come talk to you. Then you felt a twinge in your stomach and you wondered why you were expecting him to. Your friendship had been over. He had friends like Yamomoto and that fancy libero. He didn’t need you for a shoulder to cry on. Not anymore. You wondered why it hurt so much. 

✿ 

The gym is hot and packed. To the untrained eye, you were sure that it could resemble that of a party. Both the men and women’s volleyball team were playing a large game of volleyball on the court, the lights were dimmed and bright neon greens danced across your peripheral. Laughter filled your ears and the faint smell of sake teased the brim of your nose. Spike fest was held after hours, with the permission of club supervisors who thought it were an average farewell party. 

Hima-Chan’s grip on your hand slipped away as she moved deeper into the gym, greeting people you hadn’t cared to meet before and tossing stray volleyballs to the side. You sighed as you trail behind her before standing off to the side, observing the lazy game of volleyball in front of you. This had been your first party of sorts, though it wasn’t that you weren’t invited to any. You were a known athlete, so naturally you were invited to small house gatherings but you were always so busy you turned them down. 

“Oya, oya, oya Y/n-Chan... Not joining the game?”

You turned to look beside you, eyes widening slightly as you just noticed Kuroo’s taller frame hovering over you. He held a red cup of what you assumed to be sake and a sly grin graced his face. His eyebrows raise slightly when you don’t respond and he waves his hand in front of your face before grabbing your shoulders and moving you slightly. 

His touch sends a spark of electricity through your body, jolting downward to your toes. You blink your eyes as your heart rate starts picking up. You’re feeling things again. You don’t want to. You thought you had been over him but here you were, gawking as if you were a pathetic school girl and not a powerful and accomplished athlete. 

“Nah.” You reply back cooly after clearing your throat. “Just watching... Have you been drinking?” You ask him and motion your head towards the red cup.

He laughs and moves the cup under your nose, swirling it slightly so the scent would rise. To which, you never receive a scent, and it’s only plain water from the tap. 

“Can’t. I’ve gotta game tomorrow and gotta be well rested. You know... whole nine... I’m sure you’d know all about that Ms. Wing Spiker.” He winks before slugging an arm over you. “Which reminds me Y/n-Chan, you have a very important game coming up... Don’t you?”

“Don’t remind me.” You reply with a heavy eye roll and scoff. The whole point of Spike Fest was a night to relax and forget about worrisome troubles. Yet, here you were, conversing with the love of your life about a game that determined whether you would get to nationals or not. 

“You aren’t worried, are you?” He questions. 

“Of course I’m worried, Tetsu! If we don’t win... then we don’t go to nationals.” You sigh with crossed arms. Your eyes scan for Hima-Chan, but she’s on the court laughing with a fellow setter. You figure that you’re screwed and you don’t have any escape and talking to Kuroo is your only option at the moment. 

Kuroo sighs and moves his arm from your shoulders. “Winning isn’t everything. It’s about being in the moment and being able to play what you love. That’s what volleyballs about. Besides, there’s always next year.” 

“I know... but I worked my ass off to get here. And if I’m not on my game then I won’t make captain next year.”

It’s quiet between the two of you for a moment and then suddenly Kuroo lets out a chuckle before turning and looking at your eyes. “That’s what you’re worried about? There’s literally no other option to pick for captain over you.”

His smile is once again genuine and you can feel your cheeks burn at the sight. You begin to stammer on your words before they even leave your mouth and before you know it, you’re coming up with a cop out about going home that makes no sense. You feel at ease for a moment, right until Kuroo agrees with turning in for the night and offering with a hint of demand that he would walk you back. You had forgotten you were neighbors. 

The walk back is quiet and slightly awkward. Last year, the two of you would be so wrapped up inside your own world laughing together that you wouldn’t even notice anything around you, and now, you couldn’t even bring yourself to start a conversation. Anything you did try just ended up in awkward small talk as if you guys had been meeting for the first time. So you finally bring yourself to ask him about Yurina-San. 

“Me and Aki? Um... I don’t know.” He sighs. You study his face from the corner of your eye. He doesn’t look particularly sad or anything. Though there’s an obvious look of discomfort. “It’s complicated, y’know?”

You nod as you reach the house but the two of you stand there staring at each other. He’s reluctant and it reminds you of when the two of you were kids and he never wanted to go back home and leave his paradise of volleyball. He winces and his face twists before he looks down at the ground towards his feet. 

“This is probably gonna be weird but... can I stay at your place tonight? My old man’s visiting and Kenma’s probabl-”

“C’mon, Tetsu.” 

You usher him along, grabbing him by the wrist as if he were your child. He doesn’t protest, nor does he say anything, yet a satisfied smile rests on his face as you two slip your shoes off in the foyer and into the privacy of your room. It isn’t as awkward as you expect it to be, the two of you communicate in harsh whispers in attempts not to wake your mother up. She had always been fond of Kuroo but you don’t think she’d take too well if she saw the two of you sneaking in the house passed eleven pm. 

“Oi,” You turn around to look at him before staring at the floor. Your hands are shaking, and not out of nervousness. Kuroo Tetsuro. The love of your life. Your crush of eight years was standing in front of you half naked. He had grown out of his lanky boyish arms and developed them into toned muscle. He was still skinny, but his abs were so hard you could wash your laundry on them. 

“Do you think Yakkun and Sazuki-San have a thing for each other?” he asks plainly as if he hadn’t been tugging his pants off at the moment. 

It finally registers what it is that he’s asking you. Hima-Chan and Yaku? The thought makes you unable to contain your sudden laughter and you collapse on your bed with tears in your eyes over Kuroo’s obliviousness. Kuroo curses you and throws a stray pillow at your head before sitting on the blanket you threw on the floor for him. He’s dressed finally, but even so, you wouldn’t have realized with how hard you were laughing. 

“Oi, oi, what’s so funny?”

“Tetsu.” You finally say, a laughing hanging on your words. “Hima-Chan has a girlfriend!”

“She does not.” 

“She does too! I would know, I was there!”

It takes minutes for the laughter to die out between the two of you to descend into a comfortable silence. Kuroo’s facing the ceiling, a small smile on his face with his hands crossed over his stomach. He resembles an old man, but you don’t tell him that. 

“Hey... Tetsu.” 

He turns his head over to look at you, though it’s hard to see him from the angle of your bed, so you move to rest your chin on your folded hands. 

“I miss you. I miss us hanging out.”

He flashes you a grin. It’s lopsided, but it isn’t one of the goofy ones. It’s the rare genuine ones. Your heart warms at the sight. 

“I miss us, too.”

✿ 

It happens when you’re least expecting it. And it’s completely and shockingly random. As random as a snowfall in the middle of July. Coach Nekomata and Coach Hanta had gone out for drinks hours ago, believing in the good hearts of their team that they wouldn’t set the hotel on fire. Kuroo finds you after you leave the baths, towel still wrapped around your hair and mid yawn when he moves in to tickle your sides. 

“Tetsu, what the fuck?” 

“I’ve been looking for you, y/n-chan. C’mon, everyone’s playing cards in your room.”

“What?” You snort as you attempt to move in the opposite direction he’s pulling you in, though you’re quite unsure where your destination is now that your bedroom is being occupied as a mini rave. “Who’s everyone? I have to go to bed, I am a starter, you know.” 

“I do recall that I congratulated that night.” He chuckles. “And for the record, everyone from the second and first years.”

You find yourself going in the direction of his own room. Though he continues to protest, going on about needing to finish an important essay. You don’t pay much attention to it, well, truthfully it’s because you don’t believe him. Not until he finally let’s you in the room and he folds his legs on futon and whips out his glasses and laptop. You had always known that he enjoyed studying, you can remember seeing him at his desk doing homework for hours and looking absolutely peaceful as he worked. He had been in a variety of different college prep classes, taking extra classes he didn’t need like college credit courses just because he thought it would fun. You figure that’s probably how he met Yurina-San. They both had somewhat of a knack for studying.

“Oh my god, Tetsu. You are such a virgin dweeb.” You laugh as you examine pages of written work on his laptop. 

“Me? A virgin, unlikely.” He snorts. “Do you see all of this.”

You roll your eyes, laying back down on your side and kicking him in the process. You were joking, only partly. You had accidentally seen Kuroo in the hallway too many times to count, lip locking with Yurina-San that you just knew he was definitely not a virgin, but a dweeb, you could swear on your grave judging by the posters he kept in his room. 

You pull out your phone and he starts typing away on his laptop. You try to occupy yourself with something, anything, on your phone but you have a rising curiosity to question about it. About sex. So you do. 

He blinks once, twice, then stares at his computer screen, fingers still hovering over the keys as you sit up once more and question him about what it’s like. You tell him that you never really cared all that much about to go and venture out on your own, but being that close to a person, breathing the exact same air, looking at their eyes in the most intimate way possible, it sort of reminded you about volleyball of all things. 

“Could you... show me?” Kuroo stammers over his words at your request and you don’t think that you’ve ever seen him blush like that, not since you met him for the first time and he desperately wanted to get away from you. You continue to tell him that it isn’t a big deal and you want to know if you’re any good at it. You two have lived side by side since you were eight, you trust him enough. “It’s just sex.”

You don’t expect him to agree to it, his cheeks redder than a sinner in a temple. He takes a deep sigh as if he were the one that was a virgin. He closes his laptop lid and pulls his glasses off before turning to you. He’s awfully close and it makes your breath hitch in your throat. You’re so close that you can see the flecks of browns and golds in his hazel eyes, so close that you can see the light hairs that decorate his cheeks. You can see the small boy before you as if it were years ago and you were eight, you see the boy who kissed you when you were fifteen, and you see Kuroo Tetsuro, almost seventeen years old and about to take your virginity.

His lips are on yours and the feeling resembles something like a fire. Kuroo’s not extremely rough, but he isn’t gentle in the way that he handles you, grabbing your bottom lip between his teeth and biting gently until you let a squeal. His hands roam from your cheeks to your waist, his fingers toyingthe cotton material before grabbing at your hips to pull you forward against his his broad chest. Your lips feels as if they’re tingling, moving into delicious vibrations as your lips move against each other. 

“What are we doing?” You mumble against his lips. 

He doesn’t reply, but he manages to kiss you hungrily and huskily as if he’s hadn’t had a meal in days and he’s finally managed to devour you. The fire seems to spread throughout your body in even waves, whipping around and crackling through every inch of you. You wonder if he can feel it. The burning heat, carnal desire scorching through your veins. 

You fall against the bed with Kuroo’s chest pressing you in the bed, it’s almost as if he’s captured you and he’s holding you prisoner. There’s nowhere for you to but to be trapped between him and the mattress. Not that you wanted to go anywhere. 

He let’s out a groan when your pelvis rubs into his hardening cock and it twitches against your thigh as he bites at the skin of your neck, just below your ear. It feels like a delicious cross between a tickle and sense of pleasure as he bites down harshly on your neck. 

Your hips push up against his, back arching off the futon, trying to get even closer to him than you already were. Kuroo’s hands run across your stomach, pushing under your shirt to grope your breast. He grabs your nipple between his index finger and thumb, kneading it and pulling at it until it’s standing pert. 

“Ah, fuck, Tetsu.” 

Kuroo let’s out a slight sigh before pulling back slightly, leaning on his elbows to look at you. His eyes are widened in such a way, you would expect him to be the one losing his virginity with his neighbor. 

“I- um.” He begins. His cheeks are still red and they seem to get even redder with the passing moments. His eyes are heavy and full and they contrast with the rest of his expression. It was an expression you hadn’t seen before. Perhaps it was lust. 

“Just.. don’t be nervous, okay? I want to be a doctor, so I’ve taken anatomy.” 

You can’t help but furrow your eyebrows at the statement but Kuroo doesn’t even seem to acknowledge his comment and presses his lips back to yours. His hands trail down your thighs, lightly caressing the insides before you break out into a gasp as his fingers ghost clothed heat, then eases into a firm pressure against your clit. The feeling is odd, but not so much that it’s uncomfortable. It’s pleasant and it makes your stomach feel like a glowing light bulb and your knees wobble slightly.

Kuroo continues to kiss you and you continue to match his speed, tongues moving against each other, following his lips as he sits back on his knees to pull his shirt off. You follow his lead and pull yours off too and his eyes travel to your breasts with such a look that you begin to feel embarrassed. You begin to move your mouth to say something but you’re promptly cut off when his lips attach themselves to your nipples, sucking and biting at them harshly. 

His hands move towards your thighs again but make way inside of your panties. He groans at the feeling of your slick coating his fingers and you whine as he slowly rubs his fingers up your folds and prod at your entrance. You expect it to hurt when his finger pushes it’s way inside but it’s a delicious feeling that you can’t quite explain. You just can’t help but whine as you feel the curves of his fingers, the grooves of his knuckles rubbing against your walls.

“Tetsu, just hurry up and fuck me.” You’re taken aback by how whiny and desperate you sound, but you’re so indulged on that burning heat developing in your stomach that you don’t even care. With the way he’s making you feel, you wouldn’t mind begging. 

He sits back slightly once more, a teasing smirk playing on his lips as his hands move from your panties. His fingers glisten with your arousal and you can’t help but throb when you see him lick at it. You’re too impatient to wait and tug your shorts off, throwing them somewhere on the bed and moving to untie his practice shorts. He moves to lean over you and grab a complimentary condom from the bedside and palms himself through his boxers. 

Moving his boxers, you can’t say that you’re surprised to have fallen in love with Kuroo Tetsuro’s dick. It perfectly compliments him and you can’t help but be envious of Yurina-San. 

The two of you fall back against the bed, both sighing at the feeling of his hard cock rubbing your folds. Your hips buck up against his, desperately craving any sort of friction. He seems to understand your request and you can feel the blunt head poking at your entrance. He catches your lips with his the moment his presses in and you cry into his mouth, screaming profanities as he pushes himself further into your walls. The take a deep breath once the initial sting is gone and you’re left with an unpleasant and odd feeling as he continues to move himself deeper inside of you. 

“God-shit.” he moans against you before moving his head and resting it on the pillow beside your head. 

You’re still and there’s a breath caught in your throat. He doesn’t begin to move, not for a few long and agonizing moments. He pulls back out, almost all the way before pushing back inside of you. His thumb finds your clit and he rubs it firmly, it makes you yelp in surprise as he moves inside of you, pain seemingly turning into pleasure. 

You’re stomach burns more as he shifts and thrusts deeper inside of you. Kuroo isn’t quiet, but not overly loud. His groans and the feeling of his thumb pressing against your clit make you clench around him, your eyes squeezing shut as your hips move diligently to meet with his. 

“Kuroo,” You moan as he bites your shoulder. “More, more! Please.” You cry out, your head falling back into the pillow. 

And he does give you more. His hand grip your waist and he fucks you into the futon so hard that you can hardly breathe from the surprise. His cock drives deeper into your hot cunt, relentlessly dragging and hitting that spot inside of you that makes you let out pathetic whimpers.Your arms wrap around his neck, fingers pulling at the base of his hair so hard that he groans, his assault never waves and he continues pushing against you so hard and so consistent that you’re beginning to see white lights in your eyesight. The pleasure builds, heat spreading throughout your body and spreading your fingers tips. You scream out his name as you climaxing, clamping around him like a vice grip. Your stomach squeezes together so hard that it hurts in the most beautiful way.

Kuroo’s sloppy in his thrusts, your name rolling off his tongue lazily as he continues to jerk into you, chasing his own release until he let’s out a loud groan, body stiffening and arms shaking as he presses his weight onto you. He moves lazily inside of you until his hips come to a stop, releasing a loud sigh as you look at him. It’s quiet, slightly awkward from the realization that’s beginning to set in. Then it isn’t. And the two of you are laughing.

✿ 

You can’t breathe.

It feels as if your lungs are on fire. Your throat has gone raw from trying to suck up as much air as you could. Your brain pounded and your stomach felt as if it was caving in on itself, the feeling of vomiting in the grass creeping on you. You could feel the grass beneath your legs, scratching your knees. Your hands claw at the grass in frustration. Hot, angry tears are blocking your view and falling down your face. 

It feels as if everything is coming to an end. You. Your world. The pieces around you are crumbling and you can’t pick them up as fast as they’re falling. You don’t ever remember feeling this way.You don’t ever remember crying like this. So hard that you can’t breathe. Blaming yourself for everything that went wrong. How could you ever go back and face them. 

The wind whips at your bare shoulders. You’re starting to shake from the night’s temperature. You don’t have your jacket. You left it at the hotel, stuffed in your bag with all the memories from tonight’s events. You’ve shivering, until your not. A warm material wraps around you shoulders quickly, a jacket that definitely doesn’t belong to you, seeing as it’s twice your size, red, and smells of men’s cologne. 

“It’s okay.” He tells you. 

He’s beside you and you feel his arms wrap around your shoulders tightly, pulling you into his chest as your sobbed into the fabric of his t shirt. You make several attempts to tell him that you’re sorry, or that he doesn’t have to do this. It all comes out muffled and incoherent mixed in with harsh sobs. You feel embarrassed by your appearance, your face and swollen from crying and there’s snot coming from your nostrils, not to count that you’re still sweaty from the night’s game.

Kuroo doesn’t seem to mind and you’re well too exhausted to pull away. You collapse in his arms, tears continuing to stream down your face but the sobs dying out slowly until you’re left hiccuping. He runs his hands through your hair, telling you it’s gonna be okay and telling you it’s okay to cry.

“We win some, we lose some.” 

✿ 

Two weeks later, you find yourself outside the volleyball gym with Kuroo. He tells you that he’s back with Yurina-San. 

✿ 

“Oya, oya, babe. What you up to?”

It was you final year of high school. You had to admit that the build up was extremely underwhelming. It wasn’t until you lost that game in your second year that you thought perhaps you were spending too much time occupying yourself with volleyball, and not experiencing the joys and experiences of high school. It was comical that ever since you became Captain and Hima-Chan became vice captain, the two of you had way too much time on your hands. You figured that it was so third years could utilize the time to study and take entrance exams. Not that you were excited for any of those parts of high school. You hadn’t had a clue of what you wanted for this afternoons lunch, let alone what you wanted to do for the rest of your life.

Hima-Chan had decided to study sports medicine in the professional volleyball field. You considered it. But then you decided that you didn’t want to spend even more years studying about things you particularly disliked. Your mom had been constantly assuring you that you didn’t need to rush into the next steps of your life but you could still feel an overwhelming pressure. 

Kuroo had also been making his presence known, (sometimes quite obnoxiously) and he tended to stop by your classroom whenever he had down time or insisted on your teams having a joint practice. Kuroo had been insistent on visiting you after your loss, and although you were upset about the fact that Kuroo and Yurina-San were back together, it didn’t bother you as much as you were expecting it would. You had spoken to her a few times and you had come to take a liking to her, though you wouldn’t count the two of you as friends. She was way too busy and studying for exams to join any outings with you and Kuroo. 

“I’m trying to do my homework, Tetsu.” You signed. 

He laughs from behind you before snatching your homework papers, eyes quickly scanning over them and snorting with laughter. “This is easy, why didn’t you ask me for help?”

“Because,” you reply while snatching the papers back. “That would be cheating.”

“You didn’t say that when I wrote your lab report.” he countered with a cocked eyebrow. 

“I was feeling desperate.”

“And I’m feeling bored, so let’s get something to eat, yeah?” 

“But practice is in like twenty minutes.” You reply. 

And despite this, you find yourself gathering your papers and shoving them into your bag. Trying to hold in your laughter as he drags you out of the school desk and into the hallway. You were already on board with his bribing but you need to keep up the appearance of being the more responsible one. 

Mending your friendship with Kuroo, meant meeting an abundance of new friends. Including, the rest of his team (who came to love you as a big sister, you were extremely taken aback when they ran onto the court after you won a game and threw you around like a rag doll), Bokuto and Akaashi, and his ‘mentor’ Tsukishima, a kid who was very much irritated whenever he was within Kuroo’s presence. Hima-Chan had also taken a liking to Kuroo’s friends (you were more than surprised to discover her girlfriend, Yukie Shirofuku, was in fact her girlfriend), as they were extremely over protective over any boy who was harassing her. You had to admit, it kind of enjoyed the fact that you had a personal group of body guards. 

Your own team had also desperately made you happy. With their young minds, eager and ready to learn a sport that all of you loved. They worked with you, they trusted you. It was something your heart could never get used to and it made you sort of sad this would be your last year leading the team.

“Oya, babe” Kuroo sighs as he pokes your side with his elbow. “You ready for the training camp?”

The annual training camp. The one with Fukurodani, Shinzen High, and now Karasuno. The men and women’s team didn’t combine any practice, but Kuroo had personally asked for you to come along as a temporary manager in order to help his boys get into shape. You were a bit nervous at the thought. You were confident in your abilities. You knew that you were good. But surrounding yourself with a group of teenage boys and away from your team for a week didn’t sound too exciting, despite the fact that Kuroo insisted he had the best times there.

“Tetsu, that’s like a month or so away.” you laugh. 

He rolls his eyes and takes a bite of his food. “So?”

“So, it’s too early for me to get excited!” You counter with a laugh. 

“You’re just saying that cus’ you’ve never been.” He sighs. 

You sigh and put your bag on the ground, carefully balancing you’re food and kneeling to sit on your knees. You turn to arch an eyebrow at him. “I’m starting to think you invited me just for fun and not my beautiful volley skills I’ve been working on since eight.”

“Why can’t it be both?”

“It can’t be both because I’m so special. I usually charge my clients 5,000 yen an hour. But, since you’re you, my time is free.” 

Kuroo let’s out a chuckle and turns to look at the sky. The sun was setting and you guys were extremely late for practice. You had told him this when he dragged you to the Onigiri store on the other side of town, nonetheless, he continued to ignore you. He insisted on saying that if you’re already late, you should just take your time. You found yourself agreeing with him when your stomach turned at the smell of the rice filling your nose.

“My apologies. I’ll make sure to be well worth your while.” 

Kuroo sits up and you notice that he’s incredibly close to you. So close that his cologne is dancing in your nose, a light breezy scent. The same scent from the night you were crying and he wrapped you in his jacket. You wonder if he knows that you guys are so close, shoulder to shoulder, elbow to elbow. You aren’t doing anything wrong, you’re just two friends having a snack together. But there’s just something that so oddly intimate about this. 

“Oi, y/n.” Kuroo says quietly. 

His voice is so different than it usually is. Soft. It’s one of those rare genuine times where he’s so openly vulnerable around. You turn to see that he’s already looking at you, your stomach tingles and it travels to your fingertips and suddenly he’s leaning in and pressing his lips on yours. It’s different from that kiss when you were fifteen. And it’s different from the heated kisses from the night in the hotel. It’s been so perfectly practiced that it feels like your floating. That you can explode at any moment. 

And then you remember. 

This is wrong.

So, completely and terribly wrong. 

You run off quicker than your mind can comprehend. Running so blindly you aren’t even sure you’re going the right way. Running until you reach the train, your hands falling on your knees, the doors closing behind you. Your chest heaves in and out as your process what the hell just happened. Kuroo Tetsuro had just kissed you. Kuroo Tetsuro, your neighbor. Your friend. Yurina-San’s boyfriend. 

You feel sick and not in a good way. You clamp a sweaty hand over your mouth and turn to face the wall, hot tears welling up in your eyes as you muffle your sobs. You felt disgusted. Disgusted with him. Disgusted with yourself for liking it.

The train stops and you wander aimlessly through the town. You think of calling Hima-Chan but you decide against it. You didn’t even know what to say. You weren’t even sure that you knew what words were at this point, let alone trying to form a sentence. You aren’t sure where you’re going, but you are sure that you don’t care. 

And you don’t care for a few days. You don’t care about volleyball for the first time in your life and you don’t care about school. You find yourself making excuses that you’re sick or feeling sore from the practice you just so happened to be skipping. Your mother never questioned it, as you never gave her a reason to and your sham smiles and reassurances that you were just feeling sick was enough reason for her to nod and leave you be. You get the feeling that she knows there’s something wrong, she questions why Hima-Chan hadn’t come by because she always comes back whenever you’re sick.

You manage to brush it off, tell her that Hima-Chan’s busy with studying and exams but you definitely spoke to her over the phone. Which you hadn’t. You hadn’t spoke to anyone, despite the non stop text messages and abundance of calls that came through your phone. You managed to mute everyone and completely cut yourself off from the world. You could barely think and you felt as if you in the middle of the ocean, sinking down into the depths and the darkness was fading out the lower you sank and the water was cold and the pressure was so tight that your lungs felt as if you’d combust. 

It’s night time when you seem him. You curse yourself when you realized that you forgot to fix your blinds. Your eyes betray you as you curiously look inside his room, he’s sitting at his desk, blinds open and his window cracked with his pencil scraping across his paper. And then he turns and he sees you. You know that he can based off the look of shock and his head quickly turning to stare at his paper. You angrily and forcefully close your blinds but you can’t move from your spot. Not until there’s a knock on your window and your heart drops. A panic sets through you before you take a deep breath. 

“Why’d you run off?” He questions once you open the window. You wonder if he’s been feeling as guilty as you as well. 

“Excuse me? Are you fucking out of your mind?” 

“I guess. Probably.” he replies with a quirked eyebrow.

“This isn’t the fucking time to joke around, you asshole. Why would you do that when you’re dating Yurina-San?! Do you really think I’d stoop that low?” You hiss at him. 

“Y/n“ he begins but you continue to yell and rush out a days worth of pent up profanities at him. He continue to let you yell at him before repeating your name sternly, calmer than the first time. 

“I thought that you knew that Aki and I broke up a few days after we got back together.”

“But I see you together all the time.”

“Well, we’re still good friends.” He sighs. “Look, I’ve always had some childhood crush. But then everything happened with the hotel and then you losing your game that you became so closed off in those two weeks that I thought it was clear you didn’t feel the same way.”

“God, Tetsu. You’re such a dweeb.”

“I know that I should’ve talked to you but I didn’t want to-”

You cut him off when you put your hand on his shoulder, his voice trails off as he looks at your hand and then at you as you lean in closer to him. “Oi, Tetsu.”

And then you lean in and press your lips against his and the best way you can considering the fact that he was outside your bedroom and your body was halfway through a window. You pull away and he looks you over with those half lidded hazel eyes, a playful smirk resting on his lips. 

“Oya, why don’t I come in so we can continue this.” 

“Tetsu!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, finally I finished. I'm a bit happier with how it turned out the second time but it's still eh for me. Anyway, thank you for reading and please leave kudos or comments, it would mean a lot :) Follow me @kookiyama or @haikyuuindeed where I rb constantly. Thanks!


	3. ✿ Ambivalent I. (Goshiki)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A story in which Tsutomu has always had a crush on his older sisters best friend.

Goshiki Tsutomu. 

He’s quite sure that he understands what love is. If the way his heart went thumping and the delicious tingling feelings along his spine were any indication, he was sure that he was nothing short of an expert. You’re eleven when the two of you meet for the first time, you’re with Gou and she’s introduced you as her new best friend. He doesn’t really care about any of that but judging by how wide his eyes become and how he can barely muster a greeting, it’s known he likes you. 

Gou is relentless with her teasing once she sees the look of interest brushing on her brother’s face. He doesn’t care and he hardly pays attention to it, because if anything, when Goshiki Tsutomu is set on getting something, he’ll stop at nothing less with perfect performance. It’s just who he was.

“You’re only eight.” She tells him. “And y/n is too pretty for you, anyway.”

You’re nice to him and perhaps that’s the reason why he fell for you in the first place. It began with small praises that brought tiny smiles to his face and good moods for weeks, a small compliment about his soft and shiny hair, then marveling on how round and soft his cheeks were. Then it leads up to a sense of defensiveness against Gou, persuading her to let him to stay in the room with them just for a little longer, giving him hugs and kisses whenever she saw him and whenever she left. He wasn’t quite sure what he liked more, hello’s, good-byes, or the time she spent visiting. He figures that he can’t choose. 

He doesn’t care so much about the age difference. Being that you’re only about two years apart, maybe two and half. There isn’t that much of a significant difference between the two of you. And even if it were, he has proof that it probably wouldn’t matter so much. His mother is five years older than his father, and they didn’t decide to marry until they were well into their thirties. He’s always been more a bit more persistent than his father so he figures that his charms and affections will woo you. 

When he’s around eleven years old, a few months shy of turning twelve, he takes to calling you Wife-Chan. It’s never when you’re around, gracing him with your enticing presence. Always when he’s referring to you,

“Is Wife-Chan coming over today?” or “Tell Wife-Chan I said ‘I said good luck on her test today!”

It always when he tells his friends that he already has someone that he so desperately loves and when he just happens to see her leaving class, he’ll spot her from anywhere, as if they had some sort of magnetizing power that drew them together. With a proud smirk on his face as he points you out, telling them that’s his Wife-Chan.

“She’s so pretty, Goshiki-Kun.”

“I know, right?” He’ll reply with a smile. And when it comes to you, it’s neither goading or bragging, but genuinely knowing that you were beautiful, even more so than Hera or Aphrodite even. He could remember you gleaming as you taught him about myths and Ancient Greece, spewing on about their supposed beauty. Goshiki never held much of an interest for it, but because you were so dedicated to teaching him he attempted to listen. But in his eyes, you were far more beautiful and you’d put goddesses to shame.

You don’t find out about his term of affection until he’s twelve, nearing a year or so later. It was an accident, but a slip from Gou’s mouth. He finds himself embarrassed, critically so that he can’t even come out of his room to face you for days. He gets sick at the mere thought of being in the same vicinity as you and his cheeks flush the color of fresh picked cherries.

It isn’t until a few days later when you knock on the door and greet him inside his bedroom. He’s quite embarrassed once he notices that it’s you instead of Gou or his mother that he scrambles to sit up and knocks everything over. 

“Tomu-Kun.. I wanted to talk.” You tell him as you help pick scattered papers off the floor. “I just wanted to say that you don’t have to feel awkward around me... I don’t mind that you call me that or anything.” 

“You... don’t?”

“Nah. It’s fine... I mean, one day, you’ll probably meet someone around your age and you won’t even wanna call me that anymore. You’ll have a special nickname for her and you’ll think back and laugh.”

He doesn’t tell you that the thought repulses him and that he couldn’t think of anything that sounded worse. How could he have wanted anyone else when you, the most beautiful person and quite literally the epitome of perfection existed? He didn’t want anyone else to kiss his bruises or give him hugs and call him adorable. There wasn’t anyone who could ever live up to you nor match the feeling of intensity you gave him.

✿ 

There was something about the way you looked that always made him feel he needed to impress you. To look stronger. Feel like a man. He started to take up volleyball and play in the front yard in hopes of impressing you. It did. But not in the way he wanted. But he had to admit that the small fawning you gave him was more than enough to satisfy him for the time being.

He has his first wet dream about you when he's thirteen. You're fifteen and your sixteenth birthday is in about two weeks. He's quite sure that you're the cause of his sexual awakening. With the way your body has started to develop has him on edge, and soon all he can think about are you breasts and womanly curves whether it be when he was in class or practicing or dreaming. He often finds himself on his stomach, the clock hitting three a.m. as he moans into his arm, hips rutting into the mattress, wishing the cotton pillow was you. He can't count the times that he wakes up sticky, underwear filled with cum with lewd thoughts on his mind.

You're the object of all his fantasies. His porn history tends to have girls that look like you. And one day when he's at your house dropping off your paperwork, he hears you moaning. He can see you through the cracked door of your bedroom as your fingers run along your slit, moving in small circles with your eyes closed and head pulled back. His pants grow tight and he finds himself slipping his hand into his pants as he watches intently, pretending that it were him with you instead.He manages to slip out unheard but the image seems etched into his brain for years.

You still don't see him as a man even when he's turned sixteen. He's the ace of a powerhouse school, so far he's only lost twice in his high school career. His arms are thick with muscles and he's popular at school. Yet, it still isn't enough to woo you. In your mind, he's still an eight year kid who just so happened to your friends kid brother. He hasn't gotten over you, not in the least.

Despite the fact that the both of you still keep in contact while he’s boarding at Shiratorizawa and you’re attending extra classes in Tokyo, the both of you still manage to send texts to each other. Albeit, they take on the role of curious elder sister, giving him advice when he goes to parties and offering for him to call you if he needed you. There’s many days, seemingly countless nights where he sits up, staring at his phone in the wee hours of the morning debating on whether or not he should tell you, whether or not he should make his move. He’s become that of a beast on the court, determined, a scary force to be reckoned with. But it’s the thought of sending you a text that confesses his feelings for you that makes him coward into the shadows of the night. 

He seeks solace and any type of advice from Tendou Satori, his beloved senpai from his first year. He became somewhat of a mentor for him at the end of his first year, giving him advice on his blocking technique and persuading him to do things he wouldn’t usually do. Tendou’s always known about you, the ever so perfect, quite ethereal Wife-Chan. Goshiki keeps a picture of the two of you on his desk and Tendou had been the only person to inquire who it was. 

“She still sees me as a kid.” Goshiki sighs as he tugs his track over his shoulders. 

Tendou’s chewing on a few candies, eyes examining everything in their surrounding vicinity, but whether or not he’s recognizing and actually processing, Goshiki’s unsure. Tendou’s always been like that, for as long as he’s known him. Always seeing everything, but acting on impulse. He figures that’s why he’s called Miracle Boy Satori.

“Well, you are still a child, TomuTomu-Kun.”

The very reminder seems to make Goshiki whine which earns him a sympathetic look from Tendou. 

“Goshiki-Kun, precious Kouhai. Enjoy your days of youth my friend, live out your paradise on the court and bathe in the grandeur feeling of elegance before it’s torn away with the harsh realities of thy place we call world.” 

“Hai,” Goshiki replies, nodding politely at Tendou.

✿ 

It isn't until he's a few weeks shy from 18, on a winning streak, and he's in his last year of high school that you finally comment how much of a man he's grown into and no longer a little boy who's cheeks you can squish. He offers but you decline, not wanting to embarrass him.

“I’m so glad that you’re here, Wife-Chan!” 

His arms wrap around your waist, squeezing you tightly and swirling you around in small circles. He tries to ignore the small yelp that comes from your mouth as he lifts you and pretends that it doesn’t boost his ego. 

“Tomu, you’re so big now! We’ve gotta catch up whenever you’re free!”

The both of you do catch up over the span of a few weeks.

The first week consists of meeting for lunch at cafe’s near Shiratorizawa. He’s hardly got free time in his schedule, with studying for entrance exams to college and practicing or having games. But he goes out of his way to make time for you. Even if it’s nearing ten thirty, and he can barely manage to keep his eyes open, he’ll still sit across from you, listening intently as you tell him about your day before stifling his yawns and telling you about his. 

The second week he asks if you want to see a movie. To which you agree almost immediately. He tells Tendou, and about an hour or so before he’s set to meet up with you, he’s frantically pacing around his dorm with Tendou, biting at his thumb as he thinks about cancelling the whole thing. It isn’t until Tendou grabs him by the shoulders, shakes him and reminds Goshiki of who he is. 

“You aren’t just the ace of Shiratorizawa. You’re my awesome kouhai. Which makes you even cooler.”

It’s enough to make the fire flicker in his eye, a sense of pride wash over him as he stood proud. He picks you up with the utmost confidence, asking what it is you want to see and paying for everything. The night goes fine, except for when he’s walking you back home and you’re staring at him in such a way that he considers thinking that, perhaps, you’re finally feeling the same way about him. You quickly look away and the look fades, but there’s still a smile on your face as you tell him goodnight.

The third week he invites you to his game. By the time he had been accepted in Shiratorizawa, you had been accepted into college. You hadn’t had all that much time to come and see his games because you were either at school or he was on a break. He still updated you, sending you a text when he was first told that he would be in the starting lineup. Giving you a call when he got awards and you calling him once he’s made captain in his third year. He can remember the two of you talking the whole night, whispering in the phone as to not wake his roommate but being unable to hold back his laughter. 

You attend the game with Gou, but he doesn’t care. It’s the thought of you being there, watching him as he plays his hardest, directs his team and hits killer line shots and just as deadly crosses. It’s the thought of finally showing you all of his efforts that he put into volleyball, the grueling training and late nights practicing his spikes until he’s collapsed on the floor. They win their sets back to back that night, and you’re the first person to greet him after the game is over. You’re excited as you tell him how great he was, how cool he looked out there. He figures he likes this a hell of a lot more than winning. And he loves winning. 

About a month in, you invite him over your place for the first time. It’s different this time because it isn’t his house that he’s at. And Gou’s not here. He wonders what it means that you didn’t invite her. 

“I thought it’d be cool with the two of us.” You tell him over the phone as he’s locking the gym doors.

His hand clenches his cell phone at your words and suddenly he can’t speak. Alone. He’d be there alone with you at your apartment. He squeezes his eyes as he tries to calm himself down and convince himself that the idea doesn’t turn him on, but he just can’t stop the racing thoughts of devouring you on your sofa.

Granted, it doesn’t happen. He’s relieved to know he has more self control than he gave himself credit for. He sits on the opposite end of the couch, holding in breaths as he tries not to notice your exposed skin. He ultimately fails and his eyes scan over the curves of your body whenever you’re not looking. You choose a random movie but spend the night talking instead. He eases into the pressure of the situation, but he tenses up once you scoot closer to him and to rest your head on his shoulder. He feels as if he can hardly breathe with how close you are to him and he can feel himself hardening at the feeling of your soft breaths against his neck. 

He let’s out a sound of relief once your phone rings, one that’s a cross between a sigh and a moan. He’s just thanking his luck that you hadn’t heard it. 

✿ 

The first time you kiss him, you're crying. He had come over to watch a movie, but upon hearing your sobs in your bedroom, he stands by the bed in attempts to comfort you. School is hard. College in particular. He's never had an interest in college, only pursuing it to continue his volleyball career. But he commends you for doing it. He wipes your tears as you choke on your sobs, complaining about how you probably look terrible. To which he replies, that you don't. And he presses his lips against yours softly with a firm hold. It isn't his first kiss. He's had a few close experiences with people who tended to remind him of you. Making out, grinding, groping. He isn't shy of it. Though he's never actually had sex before.

You're vulnerable and you can't deny that you've been enjoying the time you've spent with Goshiki. But the nagging feeling of you being older than him, and being his sisters best friend makes you feel that it's wrong. But you can't seem to pull yourself away. Not yet at least. You melt into him as he wraps his muscular arms around your body, falling against his chest and onto the floor. Desperate kisses and erratic feelings make you nip at him greedily, which he readily returns.

It never goes farther than that. And after you're both out of breath, and hot, and panting next to each other. You pull away when the hot and aching feeling in your stomach claws at you. You remind yourself that he's a boy. Though he's probably got more experience than you, you feel like you're taking advantage of him.

He tucks you in after that before heading back to his dorm room. You guys talk about it, but briefly, and you admit that you shouldn't have done that. He swears his heart breaks just a little at your constant rejection. But the way you kissed him gives him hope, and maybe, just maybe, you feel the same way.

The first time he goes down on you happens after a game. He happened to be celebrating with his team, indulging in a little spoiling as the team captain led them to another victory when he sees you. He's a bit buzzed, and so are you and you two get to talking and laughing on the floor in attempts to sober up. But the both of you are seemingly light weights, and the little bit of alcohol you had is taking its time coursing through your system.

You make an offhand comment about how he's lucky he's so popular and that he's probably had lots of girlfriends, to which he replies he's had none. Your eyebrow quirks at this and you wonder if he's a virgin. You never considered the idea, but giving how shaky he was when he kissed you that night makes a little bit of sense. You find yourself rambling about how you've never had really good boyfriends and telling him insecurities that's developed in time because of it.

"You don't have to subject yourself to that, Wife-Chan. You shouldn’t have to."

He finds that it hurts him that you allow yourself to be treated this way. It hurts because you deserve nothing less than spoiling. 

You find yourself kissing him harshly, your mind unable to think as he catches you again. He seems hungrier this time, more determined for something more. And soon, he's licking your stomach and your nipples, leaving hot, open mouthed kisses between your breasts. You call out for him "Tomu, please." and you know you should feel ashamed, but you don't. And the only thing that you want right now is him.

His head dips between your spread legs, pulling your pants off before pressing his mouth to your wet panties, dragging his tongue enthusiastically up the fabric and pressing at your clit, his large hands gripping onto the meat of your waist to keep your wriggling hips still. Your thighs quiver around his head, teeth sinking into your lip as you hold in a moan. It's been a while since a guy has doted on you. And you mean really doted on you, and not just because they wanted to have foreplay to fuck.

"I'm gonna make you feel good." He says in such a voice that you find yourself questioning if the guy sliding your panties down your legs is the same kid from your childhood who used to cry when Gou locked him out.

He makes good use of his fingers, but his tongue works magic against your clit as he alternates between sucking at it and running the flat of his tongue through your folds. You find yourself with your eyes squeezed shut, wondering who the hell taught your sweet Goshiki how to pleasure someone so well. It doesn’t last long, not when he sucks harshly on your clit and you let out a particularly loud sigh of his name. 

“It’s okay.” He tells you, pressing a wet kiss on the inside of your thigh. “I want to hear you.”

You suck in a deep breath, your fingers dragging from the floor to his soft and silky strands of his hair when his fingers push your folds apart to allow his tongue to dip in your hole. He devours you like a kick sucking their favorite ice cream on a hot Sunday. You scream out for him like a mad banshee, grabbing his hair at the roots so hard it makes him groan against your cunt. The bass of his voice vibrates through you and you push his head farther so you could grind your flit against it. 

“Tsutomu.. fuck.” you cry at particularly nothing. 

You can feel it. The electricity zipping through your body, your lower half feeling like some set a flame ablaze inside of you. He holds your shaking legs in please, lapping at you relentlessly as your back arches your cunny clenches and then you’re coming, hard. Your sight goes white for a split second and you can hardly even breathe. 

“Goddammit.” You sigh as tears well in your eyes.

You’re far from being sad.

✿ 

He finally fucks you on his childhood bed after a failed attempt of breaking this off. It's one of his rare weekends off and he's lazing around the house when you stop by. You try to present a logical argument with him but he refuses to see your point.

"Tomu, we can't do this." You say for the hundredth time.

"Why not? It's obvious you feel the same way. Please, y/n-Chan. Just, ugh. Stop trying to protect me, I'm old enough to handle myself."

"Tomu stop. You're making this hard on the both of us. We can still hangout and stuff, I'll be here for college now so we'll have a lot of time to hang together."

"But I don't want that." He tells you sternly. "I don't want to be your friend. I've never wanted to just be your friend."

You aren't quite sure how to reply. But the desperate look in his eyes are too much to handle. So you don't say anything. And you turn to leave, knowing that this wouldn't go anywhere. You're surprised when he grabs your wrist, not too hard or anything that makes you feel threatened. Goshiki is half expecting you to slap him when he pressed his lips against yours in a last ditch effort. He remembered seeing it in movie once and he figures that he should at least try.

He isn't expecting you to kiss him back and neither are you. But you do. He holds you close, as if you'd change your mind and keep walking out the door.

Goshiki doesn't hide the fact that he wants you. That's he's been wanting you for years, 10 long hard years. He touches every inch of your body, feels and explores you. He wonders what his thirteen year old self would think if he saw now, hands under your shirt and massaging your breasts,thumbs running across your nipples and tongue thrown down your throat. He's loud, but not so much that others can hear. Loud in the fact that he wants you to know he's satisfied rubbing his erection along your slit.

You pull away to pull his shirt off and you're surprised with what you see. You knew that he was built, his body well toned from volleyball. But you're wondering when he even started developing and how the hell he looked like this now. He follows your lead and pulls your shirt off, quickly latching his lips to the tops of your breasts. He absent-mindlessly ruts against you as his hands travel to your back, playing with the hooks of your bra. It's then that you pull away, staring into his dark eyes that are so heavily clouded with lust for you.

"Tomu... Are you a virgin?"

He doesn't reply but his cheeks are red and his noticeably embarrassed. You weren't expecting him to be, based on his handsome looks and well toned body. It occurs to you that's he's most likely waited for you and you soften at the thought as you caress his face.

He quickly stammers when you move and sit him down on his mattress, opening his legs and sinking between them. He leans on his elbows, eyes widened as he watches you palm him through his sweatpants. He let's out a moan as your work your hand up his length slowly edging him and stopping. You move his sweatpants down his hips along with his underwear and you're met with his thick cock. It slightly oozes from precum and he jerks when you touch the head.

You slowly grab it and work your hand down to his shaft and up to his head, working up a comforting rhythm. His eyes shut tightly when you lick his balls, a strangled groans held in his throat. He's thought about this time and time again, your soft hands around his dick, but nothing could've prepared him for the actual moment.

"Just relax, Tomu. You're doing good." You say quietly.

His hips start bucking up into your hands as he bites as his lips and you know he's close judging by the twitching of his head. You cover his head with your mouth just as he cums, letting his seed shoot into your mouth and down your throat.

His chest heaves as he lays on his back, eyes closed in such a certain bliss that makes your heart warm. You smile to yourself before removing your panties and climbing over his waist and straddling his legs. He's still painfully hard when you kiss him again and you ache with anticipation. But you drag it out because you don't want it to end.

He sits up and grabs your hips, lifting them and poking his blunt tip at your entrance. You sink down slowly, adjusting to him stretching you slowly. You let out a sigh when he's fully inside you, and you feel so full that your eyelids start to droop. Goshiki moans against your breasts, making you gasp as bites one of them harshly.

"Fuck.. Fuck you feel, so good." He moans out. His rough hands reach your hips and you slowly start moving them along his cock, moving up and moving down slowly. His breaths are heavy and soon he's thrusting up in you sloppily and desperately.

"Y/n-Chan. You make me feel so good." your hands tangle in his hair as you move your head back, wanton moans building up in your throat as he reaches a hand down and toys with your clit.

"Tomu!" you screech out, head falling back in pure bless. "So, so good."

He stills before suddenly flipping you over so your stomach is on the bed. He pulls at your hips so your ass is high in the air as your faced is pressed against his pillow. It's smells like him. Fresh soap, light cologne. And it's comforting.

"Is this okay?" He asks, hand dipping between your legs as he pressing his throbbing cock against your ass.

"Yes, yes. Please, Tomu, please." You beg.

He grabs your hips before gently entering you. Starting small before pacing himself into harsher thrusts. His bed creaks with every thrust of his hips and you cry out each time. His dig rubs against your walls continuously and it feels so good that you've forgotten how to speak and all that manages to leave your mouths are moans.

Goshiki groans as he looks down, biting his lip as he watches his cock disappearing inside your tight cunt, completely enamored at the sight of you taking him so well, squeezing so tightly each time that he grips your waist a bit harder. 

"You're so pretty." he tells you as his hands trail down the smooth of your back. "So fucking beautiful like this." 

"Please don't stop." You cry out, grabbing his pillow as tears threaten to spill out your eyes.

He slows down suddenly as the door opens. Though he makes no move to pull out from your hot cunt. He can't bring himself to. Not when he finally has you and you're squeezing so tight around him and praising him for how well he's doing. He grabs his blanket and collapses on top of you, hand covering your mouth as a knock raps against his door.

"Tsu, you in there?" Gou asks. "Wanna come to the market with me?" 

Gou doesn't sound like she's upset and the both of your hearts manage to calm down. He let’s out low groans as his hips move in shallow thrusts, forehead resting on your back.

"Yeah, I'm here." he replies. "I'm... I'm uh studying!" he tells her. Though he mentally curses himself at the fact that finals were done and he never cared to study. "I'm uh... Busy! Can you come back?"

"Um. Sure?" She replies, and slowly moves her feet away form the door. The front door finally shuts and Goshiki wastes no time sitting back up and pistoning his hips against your ass in repetitive thrusts. He’s needy and it clouds his thoughts, whining as he continuously pushes into you. His hand playing with the buds of your nipples as he grins into your tight cunt.

He's getting louder as his hand grips at your waist tightly, and his thrusts are sloppier than before, he groans as he hits a spot deep inside of you, pounding at it mercilessly as he chases a release. Hes throbbing hard and he can feel his balls tightening against him, hitting inside of you deep and hard before he stills and let's out a drawn out moan against your shoulder, hips still moving softly as you feel his seed enter you. You close your eyes as you move your hips back against his, hand toying with your clit before giving into and unsnapping the coil that had been building up inside of you.

Goshiki falls against you, his arms tightening around you as the both of you catch your breath. You don't say anything, out of fear that you'll ruin the moment. So you give in and fall asleep.

He's still asleep once you wake up and it’s dark outside. You're sore in between your legs but it's a delicious feeling. The blanket is covering him and he looks so content that your heart swells before sinking into your stomach. You're immediately filled with guilt upon thinking of what you had done.

✿ 

You don't call. You don’t text.

It eats at him as the days pass and gnaws at his stomach, taunting him. He doesn’t hear from you and you haven’t stopped by. Even Gou had been curious as to why you haven’t been answering her calls. He’s sure that by now, you’ve most likely muted them. 

The days are filled with a gray passing. Sullen spirits, bloodshot eyes that are sore and swollen from tears and exhaustion from late nights. He's in the gym practicing line shots when you see him. He feels it's one of those nights he'll practice until the brink of exhaustion just to get the thought of you off of his mind. That is until he catches sight of you eying him from the entrance of the Shiratorizawa gym. 

"Come to break my heart? Fuck me and leave?"

He hisses with a venom that's usually reserved for the likes of the court, for the likes of those who are his enemy and staring him down. He doesn't mean it to sound so harsh. Especially when he sees how you react to his string of words. Eyes widening with shock before your shoulders sinking down in shame that would resemble that of a dogs that had just been scolded. The look that washes over your face pains him, but dammit, he’s mad. Angry as hell, too. And overall, probably the feeling that’s been nagging at him, jabbing at his side constantly since that day that he woke up and you were gone. It’s the feeling of being hurt. The feeling of being slashed in your stomach, the feeling of not being able to sleep and being alone with your thoughts of how you didn’t want him. 

So he turns away from you. Volleyball still tightly gripped between his two hands, fingers scratching at the stitching of the ball. He bites his lip to keep quiet because he wasn’t sure if he would scream or not. He felt like he had enough control, but his thoughts taunted him with the cruel idea of just letting it out. 

“I get it.” He finally says. “You don’t have to spell it out for me. I shouldn’t have pushed so hard and I’m sorry.” 

“No, you don’t get it. And that’s the thing- Goddammit, Tsutomu, could you look at me.” 

The both of you flinch at the harshness of your tone and you stare at each other wide eyed as it echoes off the walls of the empty gym. He’s looking at you now, curiously, cautiously. He’s unknowingly rendered up a guard in attempts to block those fucking feelings. It’s quite useless. Goshiki’s always been able to feel things and that was the problem. 

“Tsutomu, I didn’t mean to hurt you. That’s the last thing I’d ever want.” She holds a hand to her chest. Inhales, exhales. His stomach tightens, heart drops in anticipation of what she would say next. “You’ve always been there for me and I’ve always seen you as Gou’s sweet little brother and one day I just woke up and I didn’t. 

“I didn’t know what to say but I freaked out once I realized every thing that happened. I don’t wanna ruin you, Tomu or else I wouldn’t be okay with myself. But I guess I did end up hurting you and I’m sorry but I didn’t know what to do. I’m sorry. I’m really sorry.”

You’re crying now. Soft sobs come from your mouth and you try desperately to hold them back, the backs of your hands wiping at your eyes. Goshiki doesn’t remember dropping the volleyball. He doesn’t remember rushing forward and grabbing you, it’s like screen break in a movie and in the next scene he’s holding you close to his chest, shushing you and stroking your hair, lips pressing the top of your head and muttering that it was okay, that you’re okay and so is he. 

“Wife-Chan.” He says softly. 

He pulls back slightly, hands moving up from your shoulders to cup your wet checks in his large hands. His eyes are bright as they look into yours and they seem to physically soften. 

“Please don’t cry.” He hushes you quietly, pressing his lips to your forehead. “We’re okay... I promise I’m not mad.” then he presses his lips to yours, barely pressing but as a way of comfort.

“Are we doing this?”

“Yeah... let’s do this.”

Goshiki Tsutomu. 

He’s quite sure that he understands what love is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alas, another chapter. I hope you guys enjoyed it, it would mean a lot if you left kudos or a comment :). I kinda like how this came out this time around. Goshiki is one of my favorites and I kinda wanted to write for him as a third year.  
> Follow me @kookiyama for my account where I thirst over Kags and share memes or @haikyuuindeed where I reblog content. You can also send me things in my inbox. Also looking for what my Bokuto chapter will be about, still brainstorming so I'm not quite sure. Thanks guys!
> 
> Up next, Osamu Miya, which you can also check out the order of my stories on the first page :) I'm really excited for this one! Lot's of nsfw scenes lol


	4. ✿Anyone (Who Knows what Love Is) I. (Iwaizimu/Oikawa)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A story in which Oikawa loves you, but you love Iwaizumi. (1/?)

He should feel guilty.

And fuck, a part of him does. He really does.

When it's late at night and he's lying there in his bed, and there's no source of light coming in through the window, only the dark red glow of his alarm clock permanently stopped once it hits 12:00 am. It's when he thinks. And he thinks. His mind running wild, feeling as if he were thinking of a hundred things at once as well as nothing at all. Of what he was doing. Or rather who. And how that would impact the sort of relationship he had with him. Oikawa that is.

They had been friends for as long as he could remember. He could remember disliking him initially, squinting as he stared at the boy down the street with a head full of curly locks, glimmering brown eyes, long and lean body with perfect height. Your average pretty boy. The cliche boy next door scenario. Oikawa Toru. It had taken some time for him to get used to him, even longer for him to consider them as being friends. And even that had taken persistent effort. But, nevertheless, Oikawa persisted. And if anyone had known Oikawa, he got what he wanted. Well, usually. It took every day of knocking, persuasion, and blinking his bright eyes at Iwaizumi's mother to initiate a play date between them. Of course, she had agreed being that no other kid was typically all that excited to play with Iwaizumi, with his father being that of a foreigner, the kids of other parents were a bit weary. Their ignorance astounding and much too hurtful for a boy who was only five years old. 

Though, Oikawa never cared. Neither did his parents. And they accepted him like he had been their own son when he needed it, when his mother was ill and there was no one left to look after the young Iwaizumi. When his fathers became busier at work and he couldn't afford to make the trips down to Miyagi as often as he could. When the train had swerved off the track and crashed into a accounting building. They went out of their way to cook dishes native to his fathers country. Learned about various traditions as to educate themselves and to make Iwaizumi feel more comfortable in their home. 

Soon, their one sided and unrequited friendship took a turn for a more positive affect, and Iwaizumi had decided to give him a chance once he discovered that Oikawa had been a volleyball fan as well. Iwaizumi didn't take the sport lightly. The connection was welded deep inside of his body, his final connection to his father. 

Iwaizumi stood there, arms crossed over his chest and lips puckered as he questioned him, interrogated him even about various plays, famous players and favorite teams. He soon decides that he's authentic enough to be his friend.

From then on, he remembers they were inseparable. Spending hours on end tossing to each other, incorporating volleyball into imaginary land of pirates and werewolves and monsters, watching matches on the television for their weekly sleepovers. Though he's overly cocky and full of himself, Iwaizumi finds that Oikawa's not so bad to be around. It's comforting to know that Oikawa is right there, beside him loyally as the step through the doors of elementary school together. They're both each other's first pick for sports, and they ease into a natural sync. It's effortless, the way they walk, they way they talk for hours.

He's there for him once he realizes just how different he was from other kids. He hadn't notice all too much, but as he entered his first year of elementary, it was difficult to avoid the harsh whispers of children in the hallway. "Oikawa. Don't bring Iwaizumi."

"But Iwa-Chan's my best friend!"

"I know, but he's different and I don't think my mom will like it."

"But different is good. And it makes things even better because you can learn more!" 

✿ 

It's in their Junior High days at Kitagawa Daiichi that they first meet you. Y/l y/n. You're in their homeroom class, you're nice and you always make good conversation with the two of them. It's then that he figures that he probably fell in love with you. Your bright eyes, your personality, everything about you made him swoon. You were perfect. And, of course, someone as perfect as you was bound to be recognized by someone who was as equally perfect. Someone like Oikawa. His perfect nature is not backed up against worthless pride, yet something he works hard for and strives for. Iwaizumi gets the feeling that you may feel something for Oikawa. You're interested in his serves, you're amazed by his talent. It makes him hault in his approach. Truthfully, he was used to it. The preference for Oikawa over him. He had been trying (though, ultimately failing) to erase his thoughts of you.

But he's surprised by your response. The two of you are walking back towards the bleachers, eyeing the practice as a rather immature Oikawa snaps at a young and bright eyed first year.

"Maybe I used to. Back in first year. But, I think it was just something silly. He's immature and I dunno. I think he's a great friend."

His eyes widen at your honesty. His heart pounds against his chest in uneven thuds. Thump..... Thump... Thumpthump. He isn't sure that he has the confidence just yet to ask you what you think about him. If perhaps, maybe you liked him as more than a friend. 

And he regrets that decision for a long time. From his last year,to you transferring schools, to his first year at Aoba Johsei. Watching as both him and Oikawa rose in rank as well as popularity, yet, staying in his shadow consistently. Right hands had always been second, he knew that. Take Batman and Robin or even Bucky Barnes and Captain America. Sidekicks, they call it. He's just as good as the hero, then again, he isn't. And it makes him wish he had gotten your answer, because just maybe he would know he was worth some sort of hype.

It's the summer leading up to his second year when Iwaizumi has his first heartbreak. He finds that technically, it wasn't that they completely broke his heart. More so the fact that he had been used to get to Oikawa. It made him remember why he was so hesitant to befriend Oikawa in the first place. Why he was hesitant as he held his mother's hand as a child to look up from the ground. Why he was always by himself. It'd save your self pain. 

"I didn't know, Iwa-Chan. I promise."

Oikawa's sincere. He knows this. He isn't upset with him, nor is he upset with them (perhaps a little). But more so the situation. Oikawa always gets what he wants despite Iwaizumi trying just as hard. Whether it be girls, volleyball, or just life. Iwaizumi can't be mad. Not when Oikawa puts in the effort for it. Not when he's worked so hard for everything. To get into Seijoh, to be a good setter. So he swallows the pain and continues on. Relationships weren't ideal for a first year anyway.

You transfer to Aoba Johsei in your second year. Though, this time it's just you and Iwaizumi who share the homeroom. You're as every bit of perfect as he could remember and more, you're polished with growing matury as well as intelligence. It doesn't take long for him to remember the middle school crush he held for three years. And as it seems, Oikawa as well.

✿ 

He can't quite remember when things take a change. Not an exact date anyway. He does remember the night it happened. Sometime between the summer of his second year and third year. Oikawa had been at a school break summer camp and it had just been the two of you. He's vexed in his feelings. On one hand, Oikawa had always been his best friend and they had always spend their summers together staying up at ungodly hours of the night watching the best horror movies ever made. And on the other hand, he gets to have alone time with you. Without Oikawa squeezing in the middle, interrupting conversations. It's nice without him, it's nice to hear you and it's nice that it's just you and him. And it makes him feel guilty.

"Haji. Do you think Toru's better than you?" 

"I... Guess at some things."

"You're just as good as him, Haji. I need you to know that."

He wants to. And for a second he thinks that you're just comforting him as a friend. Memories of his first year resurface. Them. Comforting him in hopes of getting closer to Oikawa. It's your lips that bring him out of his thoughts, pressing on his own deeply as if you've done this before. He doesn't dwell on it, no, he doesn't have the time. Because you're kissing him and his heart is beating again in those uneven patterns. Thump. And then you're over on top of him, kisses pressing into his neck, nose nuzzling the bottom of his ear.

"I've wanted you so long, Hajime."

And then he pulls away. His heart is hammering and he's almost out of breath from the increase of adrenaline. His hands shake as they lay at your sides. He questions you. Finally. Questions what you meant.

"You aren't just kidding?"

"Do you think I'd do that?"

He looks away bashfully. He trusts you. He believes in you. But it's the band, the guard over his heart, his feelings. What prevents him from letting him have you.

"Hajime." You mutter as your turn his face. "I want you. Only you. Not him."

"You're sure?"

"More than sure."

And then he gives him. And he takes you. And he knows that Oikawa doesn't get everything. He finds it difficult to pull away from your plump lips, biting, chewing them with a carnal desire and some sort of fire lit within him. He's slightly rough as he tugs at your hair, though he's cautious and concerned when he pulls away and questions your wellbeing.

"Just kiss me, Hajime." You whine.

He's high on the feeling of your lips, of your chest, the curve of your breasts pressed against his, your hands as the wander down his face to his hard biceps and to his cock. A sound sits in his throat, verging on an animalistic growl. It's happening. It's happening. It's happening. Is all that runs through his mind as you pull of his shorts as well as your shirt. He's nervous in the fact to touch your breasts, nervous that his large hands might squeeze too rough. Though his hesitance is seemingly drifting away as you rub your hot and wet cunt across his bulge. He hisses profanities as he rips your clothes off, the sight of your glistening folds in the dimming light of his living room edging him on to rub the squishy head of his cock against you which only urges your hips to beg for him.

He pushes in without warning which leads you to hiss and bite your lip as he stretches your walls. It stings and he freezes you for a moment as the both of you look at each other. Your hips wriggle in an effort to adjust to his size and he stares at you through a half lidded lustful gaze.

"Good fuck, Hajime." You hiss. "You're so huge."

"Sorry." he mumbles as he dips his head down, nuzzling his face against your chest, reveling in the feeling of your damp skin pressing against his face. It's happening. He's really fucking you.

For what seems like hours of his girth tearing you apart you finally urge him to move. He does so slowly, cautiously. Until you grab at his back, demanding that he pick up speed and fuck you.

His rough hands grab the meat of your thighs, fingers digging into the curves and lines on your thighs as he spreads your legs wider. You moan out as his hand covers your mound, squeezing it slightly before his thumb makes way and rubs your nipple in circles. His thrusts are quick and hard, just like how you'd expect Iwaizumi to be. He fucks you into an newfound oblivion, his hips move and pound into you spongy walls entirely on instinct, pushing you upwards with each harsh thrust. Your nails dig into his back as a way to hold onto something, anything as your legs wrap around his back and his palm presses into your clit.

"Gonna cum." You whine out, breathless and hardly literate. "Hajime, don't stop don't stop."

"Just hold on." He mumbles as his teeth sink into your shoulder.

You scream out for him. Loud as he does so. Your stomach clenching and unclenching, it moves in waves like a shocking tens unit. He brings your legs up, pressing them to his sides and grinds into your sex so hard you question your ability to walk after the ordeal.

Then you feel it. The hot cum shooting into your pussy and painting your cervix. You tug the strands of his hair and he moans into your mouth once he presses his lips against your, hips still moving in pathetic attempts to milk the rest of him try. Your lids are hardly staying open.

The next few weeks over the summer consists of Iwaizumi exploring and experimenting with his newfound adult life. 

And it's those thoughts and memories and recants that make him feel guilty. That have him staring at the ceiling at 12:00 am, thinking, wondering. The feeling of you beside him, comforting as his mother falls ill once more, the knowledge of both you and him unknown to his best friend. The person always there for him. It makes him feel vexed. Until your sleepy hand hits his face, and a mumble of threatening to stay at your house, in your bed, and being her parents good girl if he continues his restless movements and deep sighs.

"Sorry, princess." He mutters.

✿ 

He should feel guilty.

And sometimes he does.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, guys! It's been a while. I've been typing this story but I've been trying to fit things in that I realized would work better with a multi chapter story. I wanted to go back and add bonus chapters for Goshiki and Kuroo as well, they'll be published as new chapters. Ex: Ambivalent II. (Goshiki) 2/2. Anyway, let me know if you've enjoyed this you can find me on @kookiyama on tumblr. I also wanted to add Matsukawa or Semi to the list but I can't figure what I want their plot to be.


	5. ✿Written All Over I. (Suna)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A story in which we see the details of Suna and the cute, naive, love of his life. (1/?)

You’re too good for him.

He knows that.

He’s thought about it here and there, before his thoughts break away and seemingly return just to thoughts about you. You’re temptation at its finest, the forbidden fruit. Undeniably pretty, shy, and way too naive for your own good. It was too easy for a sly fox like himself to sweep in and claim you as his. He had always thought that you were cute, quite reserved unless you were speaking with your friends. If that had been the situation, you’d usually be giggling and scrunching your nose.

“She’s cute.” Atsumu declares.

It’s a quiet day out on the campus, and you’re busy sitting with your friends, occasionally throwing in some sort of input and eating your lunch. Suna scoffs at the declaration, of course he knew that you were cute. But he didn’t want Atsumu, of all people acknowledging you who was a self proclaimed “chic magnet”. It wasn’t as if he were intimidated, no, of course not. It was that he knew, then and there, that he had to make a move on you. Otherwise he would risk losing you to his best friend.

“You’ve got his gears goin’ now, Tsumu.” Osamu points out as Suna looks you over again.

You just so happen to take a glance over at their table, your face awkwardly scrunching up as you look back down at your books, just as he flashes you a smile. Osamus right, his gears are going and he’s on a one way track to getting you to be his girl. His efforts appear lazy to the naked eye, but he’s taking the time to gauge who you are as a person, your likes and interests and what makes you smile. What makes you blush. So that he can see it again when you notice your favorite snacks are in your bookbag or how you blush when he offers to walk you back from class.

Suna never officially asks you out. He doesn’t have to. He’s sly when he asks if you’ll wear his jersey to his volleyball game. And you do. Shyly, he knows, but there’s some sort of small confidence that radiates off of you like a light perfume. You’re wearing the Suna Rinatoros jersey. You’re the one who has all of his affections.

✿

“What’s this?” You question as you dig in his backpack, your hand wrapped around a small green baggie.

“It’s weed.” He replies curtly.

His fingers jam on the game console as you examine it. He’s surprised when you ask him what’s it like, to which he responds that it’s hard to explain.

“I’m not really supposed to do it. But, our coach doesn’t test our piss.”

“Oh.”

You reply as you look at the baggie some more. He can tell that you have some sort of curiosity, like you always do. You’re like a cat, adorable, innocent and playful. But for the most part, you have a burning curiosity. He suspects that his world his vastly different from yours. Perhaps it’s the effect of growing up in a smaller town than his. But you’re curious about everything, whether it be volleyball, or the crude jokes that him and the twins happen to make when they briefly forget about your precense.

“Can I try it?” You ask.

“You wanna smoke?”

You nod eagerly. “Just this once.”

He slowly pauses the game before looking over at your wide eyes. His arm moves and he sticks his pinky out in your direction. “Promise?”

“Promise.” You reply as you link your smaller pinky with his.

He gives you a small and lazy smile before shutting his room door and stuffing a towel under the door. Suna can feel your eyes watching him as he carefully rolls the blunt in his fingers, he’s always been dedicated, especially because he wanted to show the twins he was a better roller. Licking the end and sealing it, he brings out his lighter and lights the joint before turning to you.

“Watch.” He instructs.

Suna shows you, slowly, how you should inhale it. Though, he instructs you take a smaller hit, out of fear it might hit you quicker than you’re expecting. His eyes watch as your lips wrap around the joint, prim and proper and inhale. You couch, one, twice, a few times and blink. He takes another two hits, watching you closely to make sure that you were okay and calm. And from the looks of it, your arms hugging his pillow and eyes slowly drooping.

You take a hit again, a lot smoother this time before passing it back to Suna. You let out a light laugh and rub at your eye. He can’t quite put a finger on what you’re talking about or if you’re even talking at all. He just thinks that you look pretty and his stomach clenches from the amount of trust you have in him. It makes him bite at his lip as he looks over at you, eyes squinting slightly.

“Open your mouth, baby.” he tells you and you do, plump lips slightly parted as he leans over and he blows the smoke into your mouth. His lips cover yours and you whine into the kiss before grabbing the back of his neck and tugging him closer. He’s kissed you tons of times before but your never this needy. Nor are you confident enough to climb on his lap.

“Rin.” You whine as he takes another hit. Your lips drag lazily along his collarbone, his free hand running down the length of your back with his long fingers.

“Yeah, baby?”

“Kiss me.”

You’re pouting now, eyebrows furrowed and eyes lazily closing as you subconsciously move your hips against his dick. His mind is hazy as his puts the joint out and grabs your head, pressing his lips against yours and slowly running his tongue along the insides of your mouth. Suna’s always slow when he kisses you, never wanting to rush things. Never wanting to rush you. He’s never fucked you. You’ve never asked. And although he wants to, to push his dick inside of you more than fucking anything, he prefers you’d tell him when you’re ready. When you’re curious enough to kiss him, and tug at his shirt and beg him for it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyyyy everyone!! So, I've been gone a while but I have been working on a lot of stories which is why I've been gone. For starters, I've been indulging in the self indulging Kags chapters. Then I went through a mini panic mode for a few days when I thought my Iwa fic disappeared, so then I started writing a new one, only to figure out that it was there the whole time so I was basically combining the new and old content together, and then I started an Akaashi fic, and the very beginnings of an Oikawa fic. So as for which one will be done first? I'm betting on the Akaashi fic but I really don't know! So! Enjoy this mini chapter of Suna that I'll probably write when I wanna just do a drabble. And I even went and started writing the second part for Goshiki. You can interact with me on tumblr @kookiyama (my spam account) or @kookiyama-hq, (where I have some hc's and thrist drabbles)!!!


	6. ✿When I see U I. (Akaashi)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A story in which you begin hooking up with resident athlete Akaashi, yet, he's a closed book.

You don't have Akaashi figured it out.

It's been months, four altogether since you've known him. Two and a half since the both of you started your little game... If you could call it that. There's some sort of emotion that radiates off of him. One you can't exactly pinpoint but it's there. Like a completely underwhelming aura that follows him everywhere he goes. If you're being honest, it's one of the reasons you're drawn to him. Akaashi Keiji. A man of apathy and mystery. It's like trying to open a hard shell of walnuts or chestnuts without an opener. He never says much and his cerulean irises don't give much away either. But they're intense. And it's what keeps drawing you back to him. The feeling of wanting to know him, to get him to open up to you.

You wonder if it's even an arrangement. You've seen all the friends with benefits movies and the difficulties it comes with. No feelings, no attachments, no this and no that. It wasn't like you were in search for having a regular hookup. It was one of those things that just sort of happened as ironic as that sounded. He just so happened to appear at the strangest times. Right when you were feeling particularly vulnerable. An ache that needed to be filled. Even if it were just for a moment. The arrangement the two of you have is barely one at all and you haven't even discussed the terms or the underlying rules. Whether that'll come back to bite your ass, you're unsure. But the temptation is mouth watering. There's just something about him that makes it all worth it. That even in the end if you end up in tears and broken hearted, it was worth it seeing Akaashi.

"Need anything?" He always asks.

Your insides throb as you take a deep breath. Your legs feel as if they're going numb but it doesn't matter any to you. Staring over at Akaashi, his chest glistening in the light of your lamp, you admire what his beauty has to offer. He's beautiful. You wonder if he knows that. From the first time you saw him you knew that there was something about him. The way those eyes glimmered. The broadness of his chest that you came to appreciate when he held you in his arms as he rolled his hips in to yours, the rough callouses of his hands as he gripped your hips and squeezed your breasts. You heard that he was an athlete, which sport you're unsure. He's told you that he's got sport obligations. You wonder if you asked, would he tell you? The thought makes you laugh. That you're able to share something with him that's so close and intimate, and yet, you don't even know much of what he does when he isn't fucking you.

"I'm okay. Thanks, Keiji."

He sits up, taking one deep breath and looks over at you with the smallest smile. You used to think that he was doing it on purpose, that smug smile on his face. It took you a few days, possibly weeks to realize that it had just been his smile.

“I’d stay a little longer but... I have to go.” He tells you.

You watch him as he stands up. His arms rising above his head to stretch and grab for his underwear, then his jeans, then his shirt. You eye the clock and catch sight of the time; 9:45 pm. You bite your lip as you bring the cover up over your chest, mind running wild as you think of what other obligations he could possible have at this time. The last time you checked, just a sense of curiosity and not because you wanted to know more about Apathetic Akaashi, you found that sports didn’t usually run this late. Of course, you weren’t calling him a liar, there was a chance that he probably didn’t even play sports.You knew that you could’ve always asked him. Akaashi was private, sometimes verging on vague but surely he’d tell you. It was more so the fact that you didn’t want to know. Had he been screwing someone else? If he was, what did they look like? Did he like them better than you? Were they better in bed, more attractive? How did he meet them? Were you just some rebound filling a void? Was there more than one or none at all?

You knew there was absolutely no right for you to be jealous. You were not his and he was not yours. He had the right to see who he pleased whenever. You two didn’t establish any rules regarding who he slept when and when and why. He always wore a condom so you didn’t have to question him about anything out of the ordinary. So there was no reason to be jealous.

“I’ll text you later, y/n.” His large hand reaches out and rests upon your head before ruffling it.

And then he shuts your door and he’s gone. Once again leaving you alone with nothing but your thoughts.

You don’t see him for a few days after that. He texts you once or twice between your unplanned hiatus, but they’re all short sentenced. You can’t help but wonder, maybe he’s tired of you? You were never this insecure, and perhaps it’s your fault for not establishing any sense of security for yourself. You find yourself telling you friend of your worries as you’re in line waiting for your tea.

“You’re taking this way too serious, y/n-chan.” Akio huffs as she shuffles. “He’s probably busy or something. Is his dick just that magical?”

“Shut up... I just, I don’t know. It’s almost been a week.”

“Well, considering the fact that you two almost nothing about each other. He’s probably got extracurriculars to attend to... and speaking of which, how do you guys even have anything to talk about? Do you guys even have conversations?”

“Of course we do. I know I don’t know much about him but he’s really cool to talk to. An-.”

Hey, wanna meet up later?

“Andddd? It appears your dick appointment has finally texted you back.” Akio sing songs as she hands your tea that appears she’s been holding for quite some time.

“Akaashi.” you remind her, snatching your tea from her hands and taking a sip as you stare at the message.

“Mm, right. Apathetic Akaashi?”

“Exactly.”

Sure, my place?

That works.

You’re more than surprised about the fact that he hasn’t pounced you the minute he walked through the door. It awkward as the two of you relax on the couch, with you nervously darting your eyes to your television show about botched surgeries and back to his nonchalant body leaned back on your couch with his hands shoved in his pocket. You don’t miss the fact that he has his duffle bag sitting near his feet or the fact that it smells like he showered before he came. Fresh soap and a light spray of cologne. He always smelled like that. You can’t really tell based on his expression why he wanted to meet up but you suspect it’s to break off whatever arrangement you both have going on. The facts and logistics just don’t seem to be looking good for you.

“So...” You say awkwardly as you play with your fingers. Not quite wanting to reach the dreaded conversation. “You’re an athlete?”

He blinks before turning to look at you. Blue eyes looking you over before giving you a nod. “Yeah. I play setter.”

“Setter, huh?” You add, nibbling on the knuckle of your finger. You pretend not to notice the way he watches you with a small curve in his lips. “You’d have to tell me more about it.. I don’t think I know much about it.”

“I played in high school. Pretty good team...” His hand awkwardly reaches behind him to scratch at his neck. “But I just play for fun now with the local guys at the gym.”

Your stomach seems to instantly relieve itself. You guess that would explain why his schedule was so awkwardly in place. How he left at various times of the night, why he seems so exasperated on the phone at times and arrives at your place free of any sort of indication that he had been indulging in exercise. You feel a bit guilty of thinking that he had been seeing someone before your visit. You didn’t know much about Akaashi, but he had been decent enough to have more respect for you.

“If you’re that good that I think I may have to see you play.”

“Are you trying to say I’m bluffing?”

“Mmm.” You giggle. “I’m just saying-- everyone thinks they’re good at their sport.”

“I can assure you,” He begins, leaning in to grab at your waist, teasingly bringing his face to touch his nose with yours. The teal of his eyes making you shudder pleasantly with the intensity. “That I’m a pretty good player.”

✿

His lips are delicious.

They're soft, a perfect size against your own whenever he moves his against yours. You wouldn't be able to tell by just looking at him, but, he doesn't kiss you gently. You've had experience with different kisses. Soft, being treated like porcelain or fine China. Hard, your lips absolutely bruised and bleeding once you're finished. But Akaashi is neither.. He's just talented that way. Maybe it's his preference or perhaps maybe he just knows how you like it. Not too gentle, with just enough force to feel like you're both desperate for each other. That you can't spend one more second without it. Without his lips.

His hands are rough. You can tell that from years of hardworking his hands have taken a toll on him. It doesn't matter any to you how his fingers are slightly crooked, the pads of his fingertips and the palm of his hands are calloused and rough as they run over your face, to your body, to your legs. How the callouses are clearly apparent on his hands whenever he's beside you. You don't mind at all. Instead, you admire them. The hard work. The dedication to the sport. You don't know much about volleyball but Akaashi makes you want to know about it. He makes you want to understand the passion that the sport brings. And just maybe you might understand him a bit more as well.

He's heavy against you. But you like as his weight presses you into your couch, as his soft lips move against the knick of your neck. He works on it, kisses with pressure then alternating with his tongue and teeth before kissing it again and nosing the area below your ears. His sigh of content makes you giddy, warm, excited. Maybe even a little eager for him to show you how much he wants you. How much he needs you in that moment.

His phone rings as he moves to your lips once more. He doesn't even eye the caller ID as he declines and presses the on button and drags you lower on the couch. His rough hand finds your face, caresses it, thumb running over your lips before he kisses you once more. Your heart thumps in an even pace of anticipation but it quickly jumps at the sound of a familiar chime once more.

Akaashi sighs before sitting back against his legs and reaching for his phone once more. He looks beautiful above you. Messy hair, swollen lips, crooked shirt and all you two had been doing were kissing.

"I've... I've gotta take this." He tells you. "I'll be right back."

You watch him as he moves off the couch and adjusts his shirt. He makes way towards the door and the sound is faint but you can hear it. You can hear how low his voice is just as he opens your apartment door and slips out. Your heart drops at the sight of a small smile tugging on his lips. 

"I missed you too, Bocchan." 

You're respectful towards his privacy. Not wishing to invade and eavesdrop but you can't help but tense up at the thought. 'Bocchan'. It could've been anyway, truly. But you're anxious at the thought of it being someone else, someone special towards him. Someone like a childhood sweetheart. You try not to overreact but you have no grounds to do so. Even if he had a childhood sweetheart, or a significant other that was his business. But was it right to sleep with a man knowing he belonged to someone else? Had they know about you or were you just some dirty secret. Did he have an arrangement that warranted him to sleep with other people? Your mind runs wild at the thoughts and possibilities that you don't even notice him come back in.

His deadpan expression doesn't give away any sort of hint. He makes his way back over towards the couch and sits beside you. He flashes you a sort of smile that no one other than Akaashi Keiji could do. 

“Everything okay?” You ask as some sort of effort to get an understanding the details of the conversation.

“Fine.” He replies, his hand grasping yours. You notice the way it covers your hand. You wonder why it feels so natural. Why he feels so comfortable as he comes to capture your lips once more with his, the way his tongue feels against yours. Why he feels like some sort of your personal heaven of your own, your stomach feeling like the sky littered with an abundance of shooting stars. You want to ask, but the feeling dies out as quick as a point of a second. You don’t want to jump to conclusions. Especially not now. Not as this perfect moment with his arms pulling you into him like you weighed nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am back!! With tons of updates ! I decided to do multipchapters so I don't feel that much pressure when posting. I have quite a few. I'll also be changing the Oikawa/Iwa story around a bit because like I said last chapter I thought I deleted it and started a new one. This one is a lot darker I think. I was busy with finals and then I took a week trip so hopefully I have more time to write!!  
> @kookiyama (my spam account) or @kookiyama-hq, (where I have some hc's and thrist drabbles), you can also go on anon to ask me about the stories or anything!  
> Also please leave feedback it really really really helps me!!!


	7. ✿Chīsana dansā 小さなダンサー I. (Kageyama)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A story in which Kageyama accidentally falls in love with his best friend. ( This will have an OC version as well as reader insert) But the main character is rarely referred to as personal.

It's dark for him.

Lifeless.

Nothing there to give him the pleasure or the same satisfaction. He breathes. He eats. He trains. It all goes fast. Too fast for his liking that he feels like perhaps he'll wake up once day and he'll be well into his years. Yet, despite the speed. It goes slower than a freight train, slower than a tortoise on his best days. Time is a strange concept, it's relevance makes him question the point of himself. Makes him ask himself why. Why him? Why this? Why is he so alone?

He's odd, he knows that. It was difficult for him to articulate what he wanted to say, as well as understanding what others were trying to say. Kageyama had never been like other kids. He had the tendency to become hyper focused on a set thing, his case usually being that of volleyball. He's never considered himself to have a friend, the only person he had been close to confide in was Miwa-Nii. It's frustrating, no one seems to understand him, not the way Kazuyo-San did. And it's during these times that he seemingly misses him the most. 

It's gray.

And he's alone.

Until she's there.

Holding her bag tightly as she stand in front of his desk, fingers nervously playing with the stitching of the strap. Her recognizes her from being in the same elective class as well as the gymnastics team. They had never spoke to each other, perhaps a friendly 'hello' here and there and that concluded their conversation. She's pretty he guesses. Which, to many may not seem like a lot but the only women in his life that he found beautiful were his mother and Miwa-Nii.

Her hair is long, split in the middle of her head and tied back in a ponytail that rests against her back. She's extremely small compared to him and her skin looks soft. However, it's the eyes that draw him in. They're widened, doe looking. He always thought that they were black or brown, though upon closer inspection he's enlightened to know that they're green.

She always sits in the front of the class, it hardly ever looks as if she's paying attention to the material. Her eyes sparkling as she stares out the window, yet, he's seen the results of her tests so he knows that she's a relatively good student. 

"Kageyama-San? I... Wanted to know if I could help you study." She begins, taking in a deep breath as she looks at him.

There had been something about her face. She had looked so determined as she stared up at the taller boy, eyebrows creased together as she demanded him to let her help him. His face eventually faded from confusion, head spinning back to reality. He was not just seeing the particularly small girl, but she had actually approached him wanting to help him.

"Why?" He finally asked.

It had been her turn for her face to turn up in confusion. Truth be told, she hadn't exactly gotten that far when she rehearsed it in her head. Would she tell him that she had been eyeing his papers? That entrance exams were starting for high school and that naturally, as a volleyball player he'd want to get into Seijoh or Shiratorizawa and that something as simple as academics shouldn't hold back someone so talented? 

"Well-... I just do. Please accept my help." She breathed out before bowing slightly before him.

Things aren't so lifeless.

Upon getting to know her, Kageyama's more than confused with her personality. She's somewhat contradictory, skipping over to subjects that she liked best. It's completely opposite with him, who's naturally a perfectionist and adament about sticking to a schedule. She's often sporadic, insisting that sometimes they shouldn't study at all. It isn't until he sees her dancing that he finally feels that he's getting an idea of who she was as a person. Though he doesn't recognize his budding feelings in his chest. 

He doesn't recognize this fact until he stumbles across the gym and sees her. She's alone but she doesn't seem to care. Her eyes are focused as she maneuvers around the floor gracefully, her hand holding a ribbon and twirling it around her body with such precision and ease. Kageyama feels stuck, legs frozen as he continues to watch her, the green ribbon circling her body in intricate swirls. He's taken aback, impressed by this sort of beauty and art. He hadn't seen anything like it before. And even then, he's still unsure about what it means. 

"Your dancing... It's... It's good?" Kageyama begins once he sees her again.

She smiles softly and he thinks it's a nice sight. He calms him in a way he's never felt before. He's sure that she notices. It isn't hard. Not when she's so knowledgeable with certain things. It's be extremely difficult not to notice that something wasn't right. Something wasn't average. She doesn't say anything and she doesn't look at him any different than she had before, but he can't help but beat her to the topic. To tell her that he hasn't had many friends, so it's difficult to behave as one might. She comes up with an elaborate plan. Or so she says. It confuses Kageyama to say the least. There's so many things that he isn't sure what reaction calls for that specific timing.

She begins with the concept of hugging.

"Hugging is a warm greeting or a way to show endearment." She tells him as she wraps her arms around him tightly, her head settling on his chest. He's stiffs, hands twitching by his side as he looking down at her. He isn't quite sure what to do. So he pats her head instead.

"You can put your arms around me too." She tells him as he brings his arms up and awkwardly settles them on her waist. "And you can hug me whenever."

Kageyama finds that hugging is not, in fact, like high fiving your teammates. He thinks that, perhaps, it may be even better. He likes the warmth he gets from it, the tingle the singes through his body like a current, the small smile on his face he fails to recognize. Initially, it's awkward and he isn't sure when the time calls for it. It takes a few different tries on a few different occasions before he actively seeks her out, graded test paper in hand and hugs her tightly as he thanks her for the guidance with his studies.

"Kageyama-Kun." She laughs. "Not so tight next time."

She introduces him to things he's never thought of before nor him having any interest in. Like an array of movies, binging television shows.

She tells him things. Little, intricate details about her life that are seemingly difficult to talk about. He's quite confused when she confesses that she doesn't actually dance anymore, that she's merely only a manager and dances solo. He wonders why she doesn't compete. But she doesn't offer and he isn't sure if it's polite or appropriate to ask something of that nature, so he doesn't.

And, for the first time in a while, things are so dark anymore. 

Until they are.

And there's a knocking on his door. His mental one that is. Of old memories he had pushed towards the back of his mind in favor of spending time with her. Learning about her. Learning how to he a friend. He figures its all too good anyway. And the memories resurface. His insecurities begin again. And he's left with an empty feeling that resembles the darkness.

She's kind in her approach, tender and gentle with him. His reactions and behavior is not something he's proud of nor is it intentional. But, he finds that now more than ever, it's extremely difficult to understand anyone. He finds its easier to shut her out, in favor of protecting himself. It doesn't concern her and he wishes that she knew it wasn't her problem to attempt to fix. It all laid with his fault. Kazuyo-San, Kindaichi. It was brought amongst himself by him.

It's the damn Shiratorizawa entrance exam. His scholarship scouting for the volleyball team proves unsuccessful, despite being a legacy and the grandchild of a talented alum, Coach Washijo is cold and condescending in his interview that seems more so like an interrogation. Kageyama's fingers twitch and he nervously matches his fingers up together and presses it to keep him leveled as he answers the whatever Washijo asks of him. It's usually hard to tell with people, it's difficult to read the expressions. But with Washijo, he's almost positive that he's bitter.

"You're talented, that much is true. But your last performance makes all that talent worthless. You'll have to take the entrance exam if you want to be here."

He's never been so good with tests or anything. They don't interest him nor do they hold his attention long enough to retain the information. Granted, Sora helps to explain it in ways that would make him understand, and it makes things a bit easier. He figures that, had he been farther off, it wouldn't of hit him so hard. It's the measly point, the single one before the acceptance that shatters his dreams. His hopes. His aspirations. 

He thinks that she's chosen Aoba Johsei. It wasn't uncommon for the Kitagawa Alum to continue their education at Seijoh. An equally prominent and prestigious school. So he goes to find her, after her practice. But he's surprised to find her limping along with a cast on her foot.

"It's nothing really. Just, finally went through with fixing my injury." She brushes off quite lightly.

He doesn't question it. She doesn't question his brooding. Nor does she question his decision to not discuss the entrance exam. It's only been around two years since Kazuya-San had gotten sick, a couple months since he died. He hadn't been expecting the pang in his chest once he read over his results. It was the one thing he wanted the most. To make him proud.

He's attentive to her for the rest of the summer. She's insistent on continuing their conversations about friendships, though he doesn't quite understand how watching endless movies relates to him developing skills of his own. He doesn't particularly mind it. Especially when her head rests against his shoulder and she falls asleep soundly as the movie plays on. Initially, he was shocked, frozen in his seat and quite unsure of what to do. Push her off? Wake her up? He decides against the latter and continues to watch the movie instead.

It becomes that of a habit. He wonders if it's her pain medication that makes her grab onto his arm and flutter her eyes to sleep. It seems to happen everytime. Kageyama continues to become used to it, used to the feeling of her cheek against his arm as they spend the dog days of summer in the house. He practices but he's ultimately alone. It's about impossible to reach the gym of Kitagawa Daiichi with Sora in tow. Sometimes he can manage to place her on his back and walk over to the park and she'll watch on the bench as he tosses. She's absolutely enamored and excited whenever he does take her. Questioning everything there is to know about volleyball, who taught him? Praising him mindlessly. He can't help but blush at the interrogations, frown and turn away. 

✿

He figures that he fell in love with her sometime during his first year. It's a time where it's raw and just them. Not counting the late night tutor sessions, impromptu sleepovers and movie nights. But the first, real time they actually went out, on a platonic date. It had been late, nearing ten thirty and she seemed to notice his stomach rumble. She offered to make him a quick meal, to which he declined out of guilt for having her stay so late helping him study. So he offered to buy her a quick dinner.

They find themselves outside Sakanoshitas, munching on meatbuns, her rambling on about some interesting like astronomy or was it astrology. He can't remember, but he does know that she pointed out the way the stars looked and how everything was meant to be. And that the universe had set them here, outside Sakanoshitas grocery, eating meatbuns side by side. And it was aligned by the stars.

He didn't say much. He never really had been the one to contribute in conversations but it wasn't like she seemed to mind. He wasn't even quite sure that she noticed he said fewer than five words. His heart pounds when she grabs his hand with a gasp, it's cold against his skin and they're so small compared to his that he can't help but marvel over it. She's rambling on about something above them, she doesn't notice how he lifts her hand and presses it against his. He finds himself blushing at the sight of how cute it was.

She finally turns, his name hanging off her lips until she looks down and sees their hands pressed together.

"So small." He comments.

It makes her laugh. A harsh giggle and she flexes her hand for emphasis. "Well, yeah. You're like a human tree."

She sighs and turns to look back up at the sky, not bothering to move her hand. She's intrigued by something and he isn't quite sure what, something about a shape, something he doesn't quite understand, nor does he want to because right now he's thinking about how she has the prettiest eyes. And how they seem to sparkle with each passing minute. And the small smile she has on her face makes him feel satisfied and he doesn't know why. Maybe it's the stars or something.

Kageyama knows that it's then, when things took a turn. Though he never quite understood what it was nor why. Not at that moment anyway.

From their first meeting, he knows that she's a good dancer. But it isn't until he finds her practicing alone one day, twirling through masses of ribbon, bending every which way. He thought it was interesting how something could be so different from volleyball. There was no power. Nothing strength based. Just pure, artistic expression.

It isn't until she makes a wrong turn before she curses out and falls, clutching her leg and spewing profanities. It quickly escalates into tears, ones that he knows all too well. Frustrated tears. The feeling of being stuck, the feeling of wanting to move forward but you can't.

He wonders why her eyes widen so big when she sees him. He wonders if he's embarrassed her by looking in. She doesn't say anything and neither does he. He's gentle when he takes her leg, pressing his fingers into the over exerted muscle and extending it to stretch it. She sobs as he wraps her leg with his compression tape, carefully and skillfully moving it around her leg.

They stare at each other for a few moments when he's finished. He can't make out if she's angry or not. He's caught by surprise when she lurches forward and squeezes him into a hug, his heart dropping at the sudden movements before settling in and wrapping his arms around her. She mumbled her words of thanks. He realizes he doesn't like to see her cry.

It's then that she tells him of her hopes and aspirations to dance, to preform and make art. And that she ruined her leg from over working herself and after a surgery to fix it, her rehabilitation rendered her useless. She tells him that she tries every so often but she can't succeed. They stay in the gym for hours, her injured leg resting over his knees. She tells him how she met Kindaichi, how she got into Karasuno. Why she thought his setting was art.

He blushes when she says it. He hadn't thought of it in that way before. She then tells him that the passion he has for it is even more beautiful, and that after getting to know him, he too was beautiful and that she was glad to have met him.

It's here that he tells her about Kazuya-San and Kitagawa Daiichi. How he lost his team. She whispers that being a king isn't such a bad thing, that a king is regal, as it made him into who he was today. And that perhaps he should thoroughly embrace it as who he is. It makes him smile

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay if you're wondering why this story is a bit more developed than the others it's because I've been working on it for over year when I was still in high school. And Kags is my absolute favorite so this is a comfort fic of mine. I think I have a few more stories to add so yah! Please enjoy @kookiyama (my spam account) or @kookiyama-hq, (where I have some hc's and thrist drabbles), you can also go on anon to ask me about the stories or anything!  
> Also please leave feedback!! It really really really helps me!


End file.
